A Baby's Grief

Noah has been going to mother's day out at the same school for 2 years now. He has his little circle of friends and they all love each other so very much.

He is now a member of the Tiger's class in his Pre 3K class and goes 5 days a week. There are only about 7-8 of them in his daily class. In that circle of little, long time friends is a girl named Bella.

Bella is the only child of her mommy and daddy. She is going to be a big sister in about 4 1/2 months. Bella loves Dora and loves to dance. A little over a week ago, Bella got a bug bite that got infected. It resulted in viral encephalitis and she got very, very sick. The doctors did 2 brain surgeries to relieve the swelling and a drain was put in. Just when they thought she was improving, she took a turn for the worst.

By Friday, there was no brain activity and by Saturday evening, the decision was made to take her off of life support. I had prepared Noah that Bella was most likely going to go on to heaven on Friday night so we talked about it. He was a bit familiar with death because my Aunt Mamie went on to be with the Lord last November and he was very close to her. So there has been a lot of open talk about heaven in our home. He was okay after our conversation on Friday night.

Dan is in the middle of an exercise so he's been working long hours and worked all weekend. So when I got the call that she'd passed away on Saturday, I shared it with him and then asked him how he felt. He said, "I'm happy for Bella. She's in Heaven now." and then he went back to playing ball. I was so heartbroken as a parent but happy that he was dealing so well.

All day Sunday, he talked about Bella but never showed any sadness. He even wanted to make her a card so he told me what to write then he colored it. He said "Maybe this will help her mommy and daddy not cry so much."

Even at school yesterday, he only sought to reassure his heartbroken teacher that Bella was in heaven and while we wouldn't see her soon, we would see her again. Ms. Hayley grabbed him tightly and tried not to cry. I was so proud of him.

But when he walked out of the building, he LOST it. He was hysterical. When we got home, I put Ellyotte down for a nap and then just scooped him up and rocked him. He wouldn't let me put him down for over an hour. It was clear that his grief - while delayed - was very real.

I didn't know what to do so while I held him, I called my mom and put her on speaker phone. She reassured Noah that it was okay to be sad and to cry and that Bella was not sick anymore and he would see his friend again. While she talked, I cried with my boy and just held him tightly.

It was a hard experience and while Noah's first experience with losing a close friend was way too young (he's 3.5) , it is not going to be the last time we experience death in our lives.

Please remember Bella's family. The Paquette's will need the prayers for strength and healing mercies as they journey through the rest of their lives without their firstborn.

Love on your babies a little harder today and praise God for the gift of the moment; we never know when we will enter our last here on earth.