Back in the early '90s, our family friend, Amy Grant (Gill) wrote a song with Tom Hemby called "How Can We See That Far." I remember listening to it then - not being more than 11 years old - and thinking "now THAT is how I want to feel about my husband."
These past few months have been tough for us. Granted, not as tough as if Dan were serving his 15 months in Afghanistan like he was slated to do, but tough nonetheless. We had just gotten settled into our new LA home when he received orders to deploy, he developed a tumor that required immediate surgery, I became pregnant with Baby #2 (yay!) in our preparation for his deployment, Christmas flew by, deployment was cancelled and then he was immediately sent off to training for 2 months with another TDY tacked onto the end of those 2 months. So, at this point, Dan won't be home till April. Whew. That made me tired recounting our past months!
But, here I am sitting at my computer in Louisiana - with my husband far away and our 2 year old safely tucked into his bed - grading papers while listening to that old song of Amy's and I cannot help but write out what I am feeling when I hear that song.
When I met Dan, I KNEW he was the "one." I knew it immediately and acted a bit crazy that first night! But God's plan for us was already set in motion, no matter how Dan felt about me right away.
I didn't know that when we started dating that we would be dating long distance for 3 years and that I would have to get out of the Air Force to be with him once we were married. I didn't know that we would move to Hawaii where we were hours behind the rest of the world and where it got kind of lonely for family at times. I didn't know that we would conceive Noah so early in our marriage - what a blessing! - and that I would be spending the majority of Noah's first year + alone at night with him while Dan was either TDY or working night shift for 18 months straight. There was a lot I didn't expect.
Yet, here we are going into our fifth year of marriage (and 8th year together) more deeply in love than ever. We are a military family that knows separation is inevitable; but that doesn't ever make it any easier. I long for Dan: for his hugs, for his smell, for the sound of his laughter as he plays with our little boy, for his voracious appetite as he inhales his dinner each night, I just long for my husband.
So... How can we see that far? We can't. When we pledge our lives to one another as husband and wife, we have no idea what God has in store for us. Ups, downs, happiness, broken hearts - it is unknown to us on that happy wedding day. But I can tell you there is absolutely no one else on this planet that I would rather love from afar as he provides for his family than my Dan. And when I look into the eyes of our redhead or when I feel the kicks and tumbles of our baby that I am carrying, I feel Dan's love as much as I would if he were standing right beside me. This is a hard time for us, but hard times are fleeting and to hold Dan Beall's hand as I walk through the rest of my life is a dream come true.
The words to this song are now "our story," the story I wanted to be mine two decades ago when I first heard it:
"We said our promises by candlelight
You held my hands, I was dressed in white
We were young
How can we see that far?
I knew I wanted you like no one else
I told my mama that I'd found myself
In your eyes
How can we see that far?
But like your daddy said
The same sun that melts the wax can harden clay
And the same rain that drowns the rat will grow the hay
And the mighty wind that knocks us down
If we lean into it
Will drive our fears away
And when I woke you in the dead of night
To hold my hands, push away the fright
Life had come - a son
How can we see that far?
Yeah we were nervous and a little scared
Until the music of our baby's cry
Filled the air
How can we see that far?
But like your daddy said
The same sun that melts the wax can harden clay
And the same rain that drowns the rat will grow the hay
And the mighty wind that knocks us down
If we lean into it
Will drive our fears away
Every 2 weeks since 5 months old, I have had to trim the mop of redness. It grows so fast and so thick. So, one day a couple of weeks ago when I went to pick him up from Mother's Day Out, I got seriously embarrassed because he looked like he was wearing a football helmet - his hair was poofy and out of control! I took him right to the barber - much to Dan's chagrin; he wants the kid to have a mullett! - and got his first real haircut.