Okay. Fine.

Okay, fine. I submit. I have failed as a blogger. But I do have reasons... all of my readers know them already. I will admit, I do have ADHD. Take meds for it, but still life and blogging passes me by, each and every day.

So there. Forgive me! We are in the throws of moving. In the past 2 months, we have been told that our family was not qualified to move to Misawa Air Base, Japan because of some sort of medical hinderance. Little did we know that it wasn't Noah's asthma: it was because of the pulmonary embolism (blood clot in my lung) I had post Ellyotte's c-section.

Misawa's medical group commander needed reassurance that Dan and I weren't planning on having any more biological babies. While bittersweet to accept, we gladly did so in the face of Dan doing 2+ years away from his wife and children (we were facing that and I was a mess for a good 2 weeks till we found out otherwise!). Dan told the commander that we have a method in place to prevent future pregnancies and that I - of all people (after my hematologist care, etc for one whole year and the botched c-section that caused me to not be able to carry any more children...) - understand the risk of having more biological children. And IF I were to become pregnant, Dan would have me on the first flight out: Misawa doesn't have a high risk specialist. And it seems to be the hobby to have babies in Northern Japan. I guess the 9 months of winter gets to some folks!

So... no more babies for us. It is a hard pill to swallow because we want more perfect Noahs and Ellys but my body cannot handle any more pregnancies. There would be babies without a Mom. We have decided that we want to expand our family 100% by adopting. We haven't started the process, but we have acknowledged it. That's the first step.

Dan promotes to Major this next week - exactly 10 years and several "officers of the year" later. He will promote and then the next day, we will final out from Barksdale AFB, Louisiana and head to Alabama. After 2 days there, we will catch a flight to DC to visit the Bealls and our extended family/friends for a week. Then back to Bama/the condo in Panama City Beach, FL till Dan heads to Northern Japan the 3rd week of June. He will go over with our sweet cat Gumbo (Piper, our beloved dog, has a new home where she is LOVED so much!) and he will get us set up in our new home, with new cars, new everything.

Our home here in LA hasn't sold yet. Boo. But we have everything out of it and have sold our washer/dryer as well as lots of furniture and Dan's Camry. We will leave my beloved 4 Runner in Alabama for the 3 years we are in Asia. Dan will have to get us two new cars once over in Japan: they drive on the other side of the car, other side of the road and have totally different emissions standards.

We are living in the hotel (TLF) on base in LA right now and having fun. Noah has walking pneumonia on top of some severe asthma issues and Ellyotte has yet another ear infection. But, we are loving our adventures as a family of four. Those will end mid June when our Daddy heads to Japan without us.

Dan will come back mid October for us... because he's a groomsmen in Kelly (my precious baby sister) and Adam's wedding that I am Matron/Maid of Honor in. We are so excited for their wedding. Adam is a perfect match for our crazy yet normal yet weird yet perfect Hawkins family. And the babies are both in their wedding. So Dan has to be back for it! And has to be back to get us to take back to Japan with him.

So, I will be in Alabama with my folks - moving back in....with two babies and my yet unwed sister!!!! - till the fall! If you wanna hook up and hang out, holla at me. Can't wait for this crazy summer!

My sweet little ones

"Go Go" time! That's what E calls popsicles!

One more visit from my folks before we moved outta our house

Breakfast in bed for Mother's Day!

Mudbug Madness festival in Louisiana

My friend Amy and me out for a crawfish dinner

Burning time and energy - with markers! - in lodging on base

Not looking forward to being away from him for 4-5 months......

Last day at our beloved pre-school in Louisiana. Noah's been there since he was 18 months old!

Best looking reason I've ever seen to buy a house ASAP

Excited about markers!

Family fun at Mudbug Madness

My sweet girl - and her busted head :(

Exploring the bayous of Barksdale AFB, LA - definite GATOR siting!

This is what a 4 year old redhead with walking pneumonia looks like: at the hospital getting some breathing treatments.

Moving out! Noah was screaming in my ear because he wanted ice cream... not cuz he was sad!

I'll Love You Forever

Dan is out of state on TDY so I am home alone with the kids. That's normal, and I enjoy my moments post-bed time routine/chaos. I love having the remote in my hand and the computer in my lap as I grade papers (with a glass - or two! - of white wine). It is so relaxing after a crazy day of parenting!!! Noah is a great napper, still - almost 4 years after his birth. He will turn 4 on 12 February and I. Can't. Believe. It. Wow, how time flies.

I have gotten nap time down to a science in this house! There is NO giving up Noah's naps till he goes off to Kindergarten. He and Ellyotte get up at 7:30ish each morning, eat breakfast and Elly and I take Noah to school at 9:00 Mondays-Fridays. Elly and I return home, she naps from 9:30-11:00, then she goes into the jogging stroller, we exercise, then back to pick up Noah at noon. Noah eats in the car on the way home, we play, they wear themselves out and then down for a nap at about 1:30is: Elly in her crib and Noah....... in our bed. I actually started that because it was vital to me when Ellyotte slept, Noah HAD to sleep so I could sleep!

Since she was born, Ellyotte has been a hard and serious, lone sleeper. I never had to rock her to sleep; we just lay her down with her kitty and paci and she's content. Noah, however, has always needed tending to. We had to rock him from day 1 because of colic, then out of habit. He started traveling between Hawaii and the East Coast at 2 months so he got used to being held: in the Bjorn, in the glider, being held period. And that's fine with me! It has required thousands of hours of attention in order to get Noah to sleep deeply - unlike his sister - but we haven't minded it.

Now, he goes to bed in his bed at night and at some point, ends up in our bed! We are convinced we will have to upgrade to a king size because soon Ellyotte is gonna realize that her "Bubba" is in mama's bed and she's not! Dan and I are okay with this - these babies are growing too quickly and we love the red headed bundle that ends up between us each night.

Tonight Noah had been asleep for about 2 hours when I heard him crying. This is unusual. So I go into his room and he holds his arms up - meaning he wants to be held. I gladly picked him up and for the first time in a long time, I was allowed to rock him. I cradled all 50+ pounds in my arms and with the lullaby CD softly playing in the background, I held my "baby" till he fell back to sleep.

As I rocked him, I looked down at that freckle covered, almost 4 year old nose and I was swept away in memory. Can it be that many years ago that we were worried about his eating and sleeping and pooping habits? We were so sleep deprived and clueless. Now, we are thriving parents to an active little man who loves Jesus and protects his sister. And as I rocked him, the sweet book I have read to him countless nights came to mind ("Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch):

"...The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "this kid is driving me CRAZY!"

But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be...."


Noah Everard Beall may be that crazy red headed kid in that book, but to me and to his daddy, he is that precious bundle of love we brought home that night almost four years ago.

One of the first of MANY naps together

Daddy loves this red head

Don't judge... I was almost 2 weeks late. - Honolulu, Hawaii

Finally home.

Precious 3 year old

almost 4 years later, a still beautiful sleeper

Noah and "soon to be" Uncle Adam

Uncle Bob, Noah and Graddy in Destin - New Years 2012

Us! Christmas 2012

The Highest Honor

Genesis 6
7 So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth--men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air--for I am grieved that I have made them." 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD. 9 This is the account of Noah. Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with God.

We knew when we named our Noah that we wanted him to have a Biblical name and a family name. That was the tradition of the Beall side of the family and we wanted to continue it.

We chose the name Noah after the Bible character we all learned about from an early age. He was righteous, blameless among men. And Noah's middle name was after my grandfather who was born in Bray, County Wicklow, Ireland in 1898. We absolutely couldn't think of two more incredible and God fearing men than Noah (Bible) and my Papa Eddie.

When Noah was born - after 41.5 weeks of pregnancy and 36 hours of painful, induced labor that resulted in an emergency C-section (I had a high fever and Noah's heart rate had dropped significantly - a very scary situation) - we knew our baby was special.

I learned at 20 weeks that Noah had a clubbed foot, thus we had to go into Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii for monthly ultrasounds of his foot. We SAW that his foot was deformed. Then at 34 weeks, we SAW that Noah had not one, but two clubbed feet. We met with the pediatric orthapedic specialist and had a follow up set up with him once Noah was born. Through the advances of modern medicine, we SAW our boy's deformity. Because of the visual, we were afforded the opportunity to pray for our boy. We prayed day after day, moment after moment that Noah's feet be "righted."

We had an ultrasound at 36 weeks to confirm the deformity and we actually saw Noah's hair floating in the ultrasound. Our tech (who we loved very much; she helped us through some difficult times) said: "That boy looks like he's on fire!" Low and behold, when he entered this world finally, his head was emblazoned with the most incredible red hair.

Thus, we knew from Noah's entrance into this world - and given the strongest of names - we had a "winner" on our hands.

Fast forward three plus years. Noah is in school in Bossier City, Louisiana 2011 and has been since we moved here in 2009. He loves his class, and we do too. As his mom, I can't imagine a better place to have my kid going day after day. One of Noah's precious little class mates is named Bella Paquette. Her mom and dad are Air Force like us. Noah loved Bella very much - he talked about her daily. Bella went to be with Jesus at the end of September (see my previous posts). She was too sick to remain here on earth with us. Bella's mommy is 5 months plus pregnant with her little boy. Bella was able to know that she would have a little brother before she passed away.

I have been in touch with Janelle, her mommy since Bella went to heaven. While we were visiting Aunt Annie and Uncle Todd in Ohio, Noah ran out to their yard to let his balloon go so Bella could play with it in heaven. He talks to her daily, as well as prays for her and her mommy and daddy.

I got an email from her mommy just 2 days ago letting me know some astounding news: per Bella's request, they are naming her little brother (to be born in March 2012) Noah. Her mommy wanted me to know that Bella loved her friend Noah enough that she wanted her little brother to be named after him. I wept when I read that email. It is one thing to live your whole life and then have a building or a baby named after you. It is an entirely different thing altogether to be only THREE and have a child named after you.

To say that I am a proud mama is an understatement.

Growing Pains

Here we are: just over 2 days before my little Noah Man turns 3.

I can think back to 3 years ago... I was so far past my due date that it was no longer laughable. My mom and I prayed constantly that he would come on his own. However, I was induced 10 days past my due date (Feb 2, 2008) and after 36 hours, our stubborn red head made his dramatic debut via an emergency c-section.

When he entered this world in a hospital in Hawaii on February 12, 2008 at 7:15 pm, I was depleted. He - and my experience - had depleted my energy, my excitement, and all of my dreams for a natural childbirth. I do think that coupled with my horrible birthing experience and Dan working 15 hour nightshifts for Noah's first 15 months, I entered a dark, dark time of post-partum depression.

He wasn't easy - not for a second: he had colic, he never slept, I was clueless, he wouldn't breastfeed, he wouldn't self-soothe, I could NOT calm him... the list goes on and on.

Nonetheless, his little stubborn spirit was the sweetest of any I had ever encountered. I loved him with a love that I never dreamed was possible. My life meant nothing in the face of his; Dan and I were blinded by our passion for the little soul that had entered our home.

And here we are three years later; reeling from how fast his first years have flown by. I look into his green eyes - the biggest eyes and longest lashes we have ever seen - and I have such hope. Hope for the man of God he will become, hope for the family he will one day love more than his next breath, and hope for how he will contribute to the Eternity I believe he will inherit one day.

My little red head has sent my life as I knew it into a tailspin. He makes parenting Ellyotte seem a cakewalk. We skipped Noah's terrible twos and have gone straight into the terrible threes. I spend hours on end each day trying to figure out my next move. He constantly wants to be entertained, wants to be held, wants to be mean - he's a mixture of so much agression and love that it is terribly confusing when Dan or I try to parent him. The emotions swirling inside his little body are out of control and he doesn't know how to express himself. Thus, he ends up behaving so badly that I am embarrassed. For him and for us as his parents.

Just today, I was crying to my mom that I am so torn. I spend all day each day in almost hand-to-hand combat with him; I haven't met anyone else as strong willed as Noah. He wears me out to the point that I am in tears. I told my mom that I feel such guilt: guilt because the coveted moments I finally get to myself, I miss him. But when we are together, it is an absolute WAR of wills. I feel bad that I can't entertain him like he wants to be entertained. I feel guilty that I want to be away from him but then I miss him on the rare occasion that we are apart.

My mom reminded me that it is not my job to "enjoy" Noah 24 hours a day. My job is to PARENT him. He is my responsibility and when we are able to enjoy each other, I should count it a blessing. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I want to delight in both of my children every minute of each day but that isn't realistic. It IS realistic that I am responsible to parent them both to the best of my ability and in the process, God will bless me/Dan with the enjoyment and delight we so crave.

My prayer is that we are able to embrace this year ahead of us. We are sad as we enter our third year as Noah's parents because he is growing so fast. He is becoming a little boy capable of making his own decisions and having an opinion. But, in the quiet nap hour in my bed each day, I am able to cuddle with that little man and inhale his sweet scent and cuddle the baby that he still is to me and to his daddy.

It is in those quiet moments that I am reminded of the precious, sacred love that God has for each of us. To think of how much I love my children and compare it to the love our Father has for us is hard to comprehend.

To our Noah Everard Beall: Happy 3rd Birthday. You are the blessing we feel so undeserving of and we treasure you and your sister above all else.

That Hair

My sister, Aunt Kelly, always jokes that my children robbed Don King of his hairstyle. She might be onto something.

Above is Ellyotte (5 months). Now you understand why she rarely leaves the house without a bow! If I don't put a rubberband and bow in it, it stands straight up.

Below is Noah at 5 months old. I think he was about 5-6 months old when he had to have his first haircut. Poor thing.... no bow could help his hair!

Boys Will Be Boys

What a DAY!

Our (almost) 3 year old, Noah, and I had a long day: he was obsessed with making me his playmate all day. I don't mean at different times throughout the day - I mean, he made me play with him all day. And after a long month of traveling and parenting without the help of Mother's Day Out, one could say that I was moderately exhausted and ready for him to go back to school.

I had just gotten Ellyotte down for a late afternoon nap and was playing on the floor with Noah and his magnetic numbers when he popped up and ran out our back door (which was open because it was a gorgeous day outside). Within 15 seconds, I hear a crash followed by Noah hysterically crying.

He came running inside and was gushing blood from his chin. I didn't know what to do: Ellyotte had begun to scream from her room, Dan was still at work and there was blood everywhere.

Long story short, I called my neighbor Michelle to come keep Ellyotte, I called my friend Season - who is a nurse - to come check out the injury before Dan got home and I got my things together because I knew we'd be heading to the ER!

We waited for about 3 hours before getting a room (crazy Wednesday night in the ER, apparantly...) and Noah was far past his bedtime at that point. The doc came in and told us that he would definitely need stitches and we chose to not put him completely under and do local anesthesia. Good long term option, but terrible for the short term.

They wrapped his little body in a sheet to keep him from hitting, a nurse held his legs, another held his head, the doctor did the stitches and to top off the horror of it all, they covered his face completely with a sheet. He was beside himself. And so were we. The doc looked up mid-stitch to make sure I was okay (I wasn't).

I wanted to claw my skin off with each terrified scream from Noah. He screamed for me, for his daddy, for it to stop and when all else failed, he pulled out his super defiant "Go AWAY!" and yelled it at the doctor. It was so pitiful. When it was over, his little face was swollen and his eyes almost swollen shut from his hysterics.

But, he's home, got some Tylenol in him (and some ice cream) and is finally asleep. He will have his stitches for a week before getting them removed. Boys will definitely be boys... Noah proved that tonight when - after recieving his stitches - he asked if he could be wrapped up like a "burrito" again!

Needless to say, Dan and I each had a stiff drink when we got home and got the sweet little man and his sister to bed :)

Videos

Noah with Amy and Vince Gill's horses at the farm in Franklin, TN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_2JNEsHjL0

Ellyotte's first fire in the fireplace - she's captivated
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvzxlI5N6ro

Ellyotte and my best friend's baby boy, Cy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiMCGw0Ae_Y

Trojan Boy

At the Troy University/Bowling Green game last Saturday, my dad took our little band boy to the sidelines for the pre-game show. To say he had fun is an understatement. There were several times Dad took his eye off of him for a few seconds and Noah ran onto the field to march with the band.

He even got to get some shots made with former Trojan/Dallas Cowboy Demarcus Ware but Noah couldn't have cared less: he was first and foremost concerned with the band. He's a musical little guy!

A Week in Photos

Our new baby girl doesn't like to NOT be held! She wants to be in my arms and by my side constantly. I am not complaining... but it doesn't leave me much time for anything else. So, this update will have to be done in pictures.

I did have an appointment with my internist on Monday and we learned some disturbing things about how this clot came about and how (without our ever knowing it) my pregnancy with Ellyotte was extremely high risk. But that update will have to happen on another day when I have some more time to type.

Ellyotte is 3 weeks old now - time is going quickly. However, I am still not back to normal post-blood clot. In fact, my c-section incision became infected this week AND I developed a raging case of mastitis from nursing. Wow, talk about pain. But I am now on an antibiotic that is compatible with my Coumadin blood thinners and it is helping a lot. Praise God - those are two infections one doesn't want to suffer through!

Noah is still doing incredibly well as a big brother! I am so proud of him. We had a serious setback in the potty training department but I have high hopes that he will get back on a schedule soon. He just loves his little sister so much - it really does warm my heart. And my mother in law is here now and has been such help. Noah is having tons of fun with her! They do crafts each day and play till they are BOTH worn out! It will be hard to let her go back to D.C. on Monday... Noah will miss his buddy and I will miss the help. She's been fabulous.

Ellyotte is sleeping so much still. Not complaining because I know it will all change soon! At night, she wants to be in bed with me so I really want to avoid forming that habit. But it is hard to not let her sleep with us since I get so sleepy with the interrupted sleep night after night. She's going about 4 hours (sometimes 5) at night between feedings. I am proud of this little baby. She's really the most laid back, precious baby I have ever experienced. What a blessing!