Ellyotte's FIRST Birthday Party!

If you judge by the pictures, this baby girl had a GREAT first birthday! We had about 30 friends over to celebrate her big day this past Saturday. She had cake, ice cream, and tons of fun. Ellyotte got lots of toys and clothes and books - and she was such a sport. She literally enjoyed every minute of the day! And Dan and I did too: we set up a "redneck water park" in the back yard where the bigger kids and men enjoyed the 105 degree heat (!!) and beer, and the ladies and babies stayed inside.

What a fun afternoon! My mom and sister were here and we just had a special, memorable time.

07.21.2010

In 5 days, our precious Ellyotte Pierce Beall will be 1. I am dumbfounded by the way the year has gone by and how it is a blur yet a lifetime. There is no way to imagine my life before my daughter entered it. Every smile, laugh, nose crunch, reach for me, whine, word spoken, dirty diaper, roll on the floor with her brother, everything my baby girl does melts me and molds me closer to her. She's my mini me and my fresh start. The innocence that surrounds both of those babies is surreal. I want to keep it that way forever.

The love I have for our first born, Noah, is so different from the love I have for my girl. I don't love him or her more or less; it is just DIFFERENT. Just today, I called Noah my baby. He said "I not a baby. I'm big." Yet he knew when I called him my baby what I meant. He knows he will always be my baby boy. He's my fiesty redhead - a reminder of my very Irish heritage and of my beloved Aunt Mamie who passed onto Heaven in November; he's the antagonist in my days, the one I go head-to-head with constantly; the one I "nap" in "mama's bed" with... even though I rarely sleep, I let him nuzzle in the crook of my arm and I just breathe him in. He still says "I wanna hold you mama." Gah, that melts me and no matter how frustrated I am by him, I let him "hold" me. But Ellyotte.... I look at that face and I am just amazed by how differently I love her.

When she was delivered via scheduled c-section on 21 July 2010 and entered this planet at 8:05 AM, I had no idea how my life would change. Obviously for the better, long term. But within six days - 144 hours - I was back in the hospital facing MY eternity and my babies and husband were facing their lives without me in them. I sat on the phone with one of my best friends on this earth, Amy Hall, all alone in a hospital bed in the heart unit of the same hospital where life had just begun for my daughter and sobbed to the depths of my soul. She just let me and prayed for me because I was at a loss for words.

As I've said in previous posts, all I could hear over and over in my brain were the words Sally Fields screamed in "Steel Magnolias" in the graveyard after her baby was buried: "(Her son) will never know how wonderful his mother was and how much she loved him." I had carried Elly since conception and not for one second - even when we craved sleep in the hospital post surgery and I asked the nurses to take her to the nursery and within 15 minutes, I couldn't stand her being 30 feet away and made them bring her back - had I been away from her.


Yet, I kissed her new head, nursed her and sent her home with the love of my life, the father of my babies, to be with MY mom - who had given me MY life and who was at MY house hysterically crying and praying over HER firstborn. My mom had lost her only brother to a pulmonary embolism following knee surgery so she was my angel in disguise. She found me gasping for air, she forced me to go to the hospital and despite her deepest anguish and fear, she kept my house running and took care of herself, my babies and my husband while I struggled.

That is how Ellyotte's first year on this earth started. The months following her birth, she went with us to internist, OB, hematologist appointments and never cried or protested. God gave us a baby that we needed for the challenges we faced. She's never been a challenge: unlike Noah, no colic, no sleepless nights, no prolonged crying. At one year, she sleeps 14 hours a night and still takes two long naps during the day. But when she misses a nap here and there, she never cries. Dan swears that when she cries, it is because we have done something wrong. And, that is usually the case.


Our Elly Belle is the sweetest, happiest baby we have ever been around. We've been told time and again we should never, ever even consider getting pregnant again (because of my uterine window condition and the clotting disorder I have), and given how good Ellyotte is and how wild Noah is, we might want to consider that advice: nothing gets better than Miss Ellyotte! She's the best baby ever and we would be pressing our luck if we pursued adding any more to our brood. For as good as she is, we'd be begging for one just as bad!

At ONE YEAR, Ellyotte is:
- 22 lbs, 11 ounces and 31" long. She is a LONG string bean!
- Wears size 2T in clothing - because of her length.
- Wears a size 4 shoes. Still a bit big on her but she no longer comfortably fits into a 3...
- Says many things: Cat- eeow (everything animal wise - even our fish - are cats!), bah (for bottle or food), night night (when she's tired at night), nap (yep, she tells me when it is time for nap), buhbuh (for Noah), dah-dah (daddy), maaaahhhhh-maaaahhhh (she's super dramatic when it comes to me!), jah-jah (for her Jan Jan - my mom), gahddy (for my dad, Graddy), dank-eeewwww (thank you).
- she's trying so hard to walk! Not too much longer. We think we inhibited her walking by putting her into her walker - which she's a speed demon in!
- Have I mentioned she's a mama's girl!? Yep, that she is.

We do have an appointment with a specialist on 4 August. It is the "final word" in our reproductive pursuits.... Dr. Groom will tell us once and for all if/when one or both of us should be sterilized. We know the challenges we face should we have more and we know that given how perfect our two existing babies are we shouldn't push our luck. But.... how do we KNOW that we aren't supposed to have more?? Yes. My uterus is a wreck and my blood condition is a mess. But do we trust the 15th "man" that tells us to never have any more children or do we trust God and not do anything to prevent a pregnancy? Is that irresponsible to disregard MY health for the life of another unborn child? Or do we trust the opinion of an extremely well respected high risk OB to be the final judgement call? Please pray for us and for our decision. We want to be responsible: I am a wife and a mother of two first and foremost. I realize what I am looking to risk to bring another life into the world but what am I supposed to do??? Sterilize myself or pursue our desire to add more to our family? Please pray....

Nonetheless, wish our baby girl - our MIRACLE baby, Ellyotte - a happy first birthday. For as many doctors that told me that I shouldn't still be alive, that same number have said that our daughter should have been the first casualty of the blood clot and the uterine window I suffered post-Noah c-section.

God bless this baby as she enters her 2nd year for she blesses so many others with her new and pure and sweet spirit.

Growing Pains

Here we are: just over 2 days before my little Noah Man turns 3.

I can think back to 3 years ago... I was so far past my due date that it was no longer laughable. My mom and I prayed constantly that he would come on his own. However, I was induced 10 days past my due date (Feb 2, 2008) and after 36 hours, our stubborn red head made his dramatic debut via an emergency c-section.

When he entered this world in a hospital in Hawaii on February 12, 2008 at 7:15 pm, I was depleted. He - and my experience - had depleted my energy, my excitement, and all of my dreams for a natural childbirth. I do think that coupled with my horrible birthing experience and Dan working 15 hour nightshifts for Noah's first 15 months, I entered a dark, dark time of post-partum depression.

He wasn't easy - not for a second: he had colic, he never slept, I was clueless, he wouldn't breastfeed, he wouldn't self-soothe, I could NOT calm him... the list goes on and on.

Nonetheless, his little stubborn spirit was the sweetest of any I had ever encountered. I loved him with a love that I never dreamed was possible. My life meant nothing in the face of his; Dan and I were blinded by our passion for the little soul that had entered our home.

And here we are three years later; reeling from how fast his first years have flown by. I look into his green eyes - the biggest eyes and longest lashes we have ever seen - and I have such hope. Hope for the man of God he will become, hope for the family he will one day love more than his next breath, and hope for how he will contribute to the Eternity I believe he will inherit one day.

My little red head has sent my life as I knew it into a tailspin. He makes parenting Ellyotte seem a cakewalk. We skipped Noah's terrible twos and have gone straight into the terrible threes. I spend hours on end each day trying to figure out my next move. He constantly wants to be entertained, wants to be held, wants to be mean - he's a mixture of so much agression and love that it is terribly confusing when Dan or I try to parent him. The emotions swirling inside his little body are out of control and he doesn't know how to express himself. Thus, he ends up behaving so badly that I am embarrassed. For him and for us as his parents.

Just today, I was crying to my mom that I am so torn. I spend all day each day in almost hand-to-hand combat with him; I haven't met anyone else as strong willed as Noah. He wears me out to the point that I am in tears. I told my mom that I feel such guilt: guilt because the coveted moments I finally get to myself, I miss him. But when we are together, it is an absolute WAR of wills. I feel bad that I can't entertain him like he wants to be entertained. I feel guilty that I want to be away from him but then I miss him on the rare occasion that we are apart.

My mom reminded me that it is not my job to "enjoy" Noah 24 hours a day. My job is to PARENT him. He is my responsibility and when we are able to enjoy each other, I should count it a blessing. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I want to delight in both of my children every minute of each day but that isn't realistic. It IS realistic that I am responsible to parent them both to the best of my ability and in the process, God will bless me/Dan with the enjoyment and delight we so crave.

My prayer is that we are able to embrace this year ahead of us. We are sad as we enter our third year as Noah's parents because he is growing so fast. He is becoming a little boy capable of making his own decisions and having an opinion. But, in the quiet nap hour in my bed each day, I am able to cuddle with that little man and inhale his sweet scent and cuddle the baby that he still is to me and to his daddy.

It is in those quiet moments that I am reminded of the precious, sacred love that God has for each of us. To think of how much I love my children and compare it to the love our Father has for us is hard to comprehend.

To our Noah Everard Beall: Happy 3rd Birthday. You are the blessing we feel so undeserving of and we treasure you and your sister above all else.

Time's A Flying By

On February 12, Noah turned 2. I meant to post my thoughts then, but to be honest, I was getting ready for my ski trip to Breckenridge with the girls and didn't want to really face my feelings about my boy growing up.

So, I am "biting the bullet" and putting them on paper now.

Noah's little life is going by so fast. I feel like I blink some days and he's an inch taller, saying another sentence, reaching another milestone. Then there are days that crawl by; days I feel that are endless and I think "are we SERIOUSLY adding another child to this crazy life we have?!"

At 2, Noah is exceeding so many of my expectations. He's speaking in full sentences, counting to 20 (straight through), reciting his ABCs (albeit a bit slurred in some portions!), reading books and using his imagination, playing ball - and all kinds of improvised instruments - day in and out (he's currently fascinated by putting the ball in "the bucket," AKA the basket that we gave him for his bday), and randomly giving me hugs and REAL kisses throughout the day as he says "I love you, Mommy."

Dan and I want to freeze this time in our life - but when we think that parenting Noah couldn't get any better, it seems to. He's so smart, so affectionate, so compassionate towards others. He shares his toys - but we are sort of going through a "mine" stage that will hopefully pass soon. He loves to play with "friends" - he calls everyone his size "friend."

My favorite is how he reaches out for our hands to pray before his meals or before he goes to sleep. He ends each prayer with a hearty "AMEN" and then says "I love you, Jesus." Those are words I prayed I would hear from my children.

Noah loves to look through photo albums over and over and point out "baby Noah" or other family members he has grown to love in his short life. He loves hugging his doggie, Piper, or asking to "hold it" meaning that he wants to hold Gumbo Kitty and drag him all over the house (which Gumbo foolishly allows).

He has a little red car that he likes to get into on the back porch. He will throw his arm over the side of it and say "ummm, chicken nuggets and french fries" like he's ordering from a fast-food restaurant! Where he got that, we have no idea. But we laugh so hard when he orders his meal.

Noah likes to point out random boo-boos - which he seems to always have an abundance of being a rough-playing little guy - and say "kiss it, kiss it." He also loves, loves to snuggle before bedtime or for naptime. At this point in my pregnancy, I sleep any chance I can get so sometimes, I curl up next to him and we will cuddle/sleep for 2 hours. I realize that the days of him being a snuggly baby are passing at lightening speed and I want to relish every minute that he wants to be curled up by my side.

I love this little boy more than I can bear sometimes. There are many nights that I am overcome with emotion as I say goodnight to him or say prayers with him; he's everything I could have dreamed he would be. He's an absolute angel - a challenging child sometimes, but manageable and so willing to please - and I am overwhelmed that God deemed us worthy to be Noah Beall's Mom and Dad for our short time on this earth.

Noah at 2 days old - Honolulu, Hawaii

Noah, 1 year old - Troy, Alabama

Noah, 2 years old - Louisiana

Noah's 2nd Birthday Party

We had SUCH a fun day yesterday. Noah had about 15 of his friends and their parents over for a Dinosaur Party. We had cake, ice cream, gifts, and an all around good time!

It is WILD to think that this time last year we were celebrating 1 in Hawaii away from our family. We had fabulous friends who were there to party with us, but it isn't the same without at least one set of grandparents around!

Noah is definitely enjoying the perks of being the first grandchild - thus, the favorite so far! He received some wonderful gifts and tons of attention. His favorite gifts of the day was his trumpet (from my sister, Kelly), the Sound of the South band helmet (sent by the Troy University band director, Ralph Ford), new cowboy boots from Jan-Jan and Graddy, and of course, his new swingset from Graddy and Jan-Jan. He had so many things to play with - in addition to the incredible gifts from his friends - that Dan and I are going to wait till his actual birthday (12 February) to give him the basketball goal he is getting from us. He's a bit spoiled right now!

Dan has been gone since the first of January and will not be home "for good" till the first of April. But, since he's in training in Texas right now, he was able to drive 7 hours EACH WAY to be home for just 36 hours. It was a short weekend and incredibly bitter sweet - Noah and I miss him more than words can express - but I was so thankful to have him here to celebrate our boy's birthday. He is such an amazing father and Noah loves that man. It breaks my heart to have him gone - Noah ran from room to room the majority of today looking for his daddy.... Oh well, thus the life we have chosen in the military.

I am really excited about my annual girls' ski trip coming up this next week. However, I have NEVER, not once, spent the night away from Noah. Dan's mom is flying down from snow covered D.C. to stay with Noah while I am in Breckenridge (not skiing... thanks 'doctor's orders'... I am "too pregnant") and I couldn't be more grateful. She's taking a whole week of personal leave from work to do this for us so I can get away and I am so ready for the rest and laughter awaiting me, my mom and Kelly in Colorado. I have so missed being able to do the annual ski trips we do these past couple of years since Noah arrived and since we lived in Hawaii.

Above are the pictures of Noah's party from yesterday. I have a lot on my mind and heart this week as my boy turns 2 and hope that I can find some time to sit down and "write it out" on this blog. I have my quad screen for Baby Beall #2 this Thursday and will then schedule our ultrasound to find out the sex. I will be about 21-22 weeks when we finally find out but that is because I want to wait till Dan can be home (between TDYs) for the appointment. So I am thinking it will be about 1 March. That's okay though: it will give the baby some extra time to be good and ready to be immodest!

And as far as this 2nd pregnancy goes, I am doing well. Out of the exhausted phase that followed me into the second trimester and am still thankful I was never sick with this one either. I am carrying much higher than I did with Noah; I was well into maternity clothes by this point last time. But so far - and probably because I am chasing a wild toddler - I haven't gained any weight (I weighed myself for the first time in 4 months this week!). I still vow to not be told my weight at the doctor's office but I wanted an inward gauge for myself - but definitely not so I could fret over the numbers. I refuse to do that!

Like I said, this is an emotional week for me with Noah turning two. One was not bad for me at all but this one is really a struggle. So, hopefully I will be back to the computer desk soon. See ya then!

What a Week!

I must start by writing how sorry I am for asking and asking you all for prayers yet I have been so bad at keeping you all updated. We had one of the more challenging weeks imagineable last week. We had Dan's MRI last Monday. It revealed a massive tumor that the doctor said had to come out immediately. Yet the doc couldn't tell us what kind of tumor it was or if it was benign or malignent. That was a scary way to spend the week in uncertainty.

While I have been clear with you all that I was asking for the "rain" to come and while we really have been desiring and seeking God's total will for our lives, the "not-knowing" has been a very difficult thing to deal with. So many of you have asked how Dan's surgery will affect his deployment and the honest answer is "We do not know..." As of right now, Dan's still set to leave next weekend for training and that is what we are going with. Back to the surgery...

We finally got his surgery scheduled for this past Friday (2 days ago) here in Louisiana. Keep in mind, this is the day that his parents were arriving and the day before his 30th (early) birthday celebration. Both of those things on top of my new job starting this weekend with the beginning of Term II 2009 on Troy's eCampus! So, to say things were tough in our house this past weekend is a bit of an understatement. But we continue to take it all in stride because we have had no choice.

Dan's surgery was a bit more involved than we/the doctor expected. We dropped Noah off at our neighbor Joni's house at 5 a.m. At 7 a.m., she took her 2 year old Tyson and Noah to the other neighbor, Shannon, where Noah stayed for the rest of the day. PRAISE GOD FOR GOOD FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS! I was totally overwhelmed by the help they provided us.

So at 5 a.m. we were off to the hospital. We got there, got Dan into a room and spoke at length with the doctor. Initially, he was telling Dan that he was good to deploy as long as there was a surgeon at his next duty station equipped to tend to the foot. But, after what was supposed to be an hour surgery turned into an almost 3 hour surgery, the story changed. The doctor came right out to me and flashed a photo in my face (of the tumor), said that he didn't know what to call it but it was 7 cm long and had its own blood supply and had started to spread up his leg. His first words were "I will NOT release him into anyone else's care." What do we do with that? He's supposed to leave in a week! The Air Force is counting on him. But, the surgeon has the final say. So we wait.

Dan has spent the entire weekend with his foot in a boot, on crutches, serious pain meds and in his red recliner. The wonderful part of the weekend - aside from his folks' visit - is that his 3 roomates and best friends from college came in for a TOTAL SURPRISE! "Bansk" flew in from Mexico, and "Hammy" drove 18 hours, picked up "Tof" (who sang in our wedding - all three were groomsmen) in Kansas City and they showed up on our doorstep to an overwhelmed and ecstatic Dan! He has no clue. It was the best surprise I think he's ever received. And the incredible thing is that the three were only here for a total of 12 hours! It was such a testimony of their love for Dan. Thanks guys - we love you and are so thankful for your friendship. You will never know what it meant to us to have you here!

Dan's party was so awesome - we had 27 people come over for dinner and it was so much fun! Dan was really touched. And so many of you sent cards, memories, photos, gifts and Dan's still opening them. He is so overwhelmed by the amount of love and prayers that have been extended our way. We will not know for a few more days what the doctor's final word is on the deployment but he's still set to go. And we will still not know for a bit what the final tumor diagnosis is but we are confident that it is going to be a good report. I will obviously keep you posted.

Thanks again for your prayers and love - we are honored by your friendship and loyalty to us. Here are the photos from the weekend (including one of the 2 ft snake in our road in front of our house! Eww!

Dan's Party

I was planning a surprise 30th birthday party/going away party for Dan for next week here in Louisiana. I had to tell him about the party last night though when we learned of his surgery and that he'd be hobbling on crutches - there was no way his folks would be able to get him out of the house to distract him while I prepared for the party! We do have some surprises up our sleeves though so don't worry! He will be surprised in other ways.

I sent out only a few invitations but I wanted to let you guys know that if you are interested in sending Dan a card with some encouragement, a birthday wish, a funny story, anything that you would want to say to him, please do send something. I intend on putting all of the cards and notes into a folder for him to take on his deployment so he can pull them out when he's feeling alone.

Please let me know if you are interested in sending something - it would need to get here by next Saturday, 10 October, so he can open it at the party. If you want to, just post a comment or send me an email and I will email you our mailing address.

Thanks everyone! I want Dan to feel as loved and as appreciated as he possibly can this next Saturday, so send something his way if you can :)