Moments

Good morning! I have had the hardest time sitting down and blogging lately, for some reason. Maybe it is because there is so much to say that it overwhelms me.

We are doing well here in Japan. I am not sure why Noah's snowboarding picture won't rotate upright but, you get the drift: this kid loves the snow.

We thought that since all 180" we had gotten thus far had melted that spring was on the way.... no such luck! We got aboujt 5-6" last night. The temp has been up and down so much lately that I am sure it will melt but it certainly is beautiful to wake up to the sunlight bouncing off of fresh snow.

I am reading "One Thousand Gifts" right now and if you haven't read it, I highly encourage it. Especially for busy moms who long for night time when you finally have some alone time... Like me. I am learning that God has given us THIS moment - it is to be savored, enjoyed, and we are to enter His courts with THANKSGIVING for all things in that moment of time.

I have started my 1,000 list but haven't gotten far... there is so much for me to be thankful for. Even the mundane can be given thanks - and giving thanks when you don't have a thankful heart is so difficult, but God doesn't care. He doesn't want us to blanket our thanksgivings to Him. He knows our hearts and knows our struggles. So if we can give Him the thanks even in the daily struggles, our blessings will abound. As I said, I am learning an awful lot from this book. And when you are "mom tired" as I am most often, it is vital that we remain thankful and aware of the moment. Moments we will never have again with our babies, our husbands, our daily rituals - for once a moment is gone, it is gone forever. I don't want to look back on my life wishing I had slowed down, for life isn't a race - once run on this earth, it is but a memory. I want my babies to look back on their childhood with me and know that I took time for them, for their dad, for our family, but most importantly, for our God.

Things like my kids singing to each other, the way Elly's hair curls and hangs around her innocent face, the sound of Noah's voice, the soft breathing of my husband as he sleeps beside me, the cat's meows as he talks to us, lying on the couch reading what God is trying to teach me, the mundane of the daily routine, the soft snow outside my window, the phone calls from my mama from so far away, my sister's constant dry sense of humor that never fails to make me laugh, a wave from someone you pass on the street.... my list continues into infinty.

I encourage you to order either the book or the devotional (which is just as awesome) and read it and savor your moments in time with what God has given you. I admit, I struggle to do that most days - I get so caught up in myself, my anxieties, making it one moment to the next. But when I slow down, God blesses me and that moment.

Heading out to start my day as the kids are at pre-school. Enjoy this day and give thanks for it!

When I realized

As you all know, I was an active duty Air Force intelligence officer. While stationed in Abilene, Texas (at Dyess AFB) I was selected to be the Bomb Wing protocol officer. I was responsible for planning all Bomb Wing sponsored events and making sure they went off flawlessly.

I worked right down the hall from the commander that chose me to do that job. His name was (he was then Colonel but is now) Major General Harencak - by far the best Air Force officer I've ever worked for or had the privilege of knowing. He knew his "people;" took care of us all, no matter what.

One day in late September 2004, I was at work at my desk in the Protocol office when two Army Chaplains came into the door in the hallway. My Staff Sergeant and I didn't pay them much attention... till we heard the most heart breaking scream down the hall. I tore out of my office and watched in horror as my Wing Commander's personal secretary, Denise Bush, found out her first born, Adam, had been killed in combat in Iraq.

Adam Harris was the gunner on top of a tank in the streets of Baghdad and took a bullet to his 20 year old head.

I literally walked with no feeling in my limbs down the hall to Denise as she stood in the old, nasty bathroom of the 7th Bomber Wing Headquarters building washing her face and sobbing in the sink.

Adam was one month from coming home from a 1 year tour of combat. He was one month from coming back to the love of his life, his fiancee.

I coached Adam's younger brother, Brandon, on the Dyess AFB swim team. Brandon was maybe 8/9; nothing made sense to him. My office had to plan Adam's memorial service at the local Catholic church. I will never forget two things: my best friend, Navy SEAL Jeff N., came to see me that weekend and was one week out from his first SEAL tour in Iraq and he was able to sit next to me and hold my hand in Adam's memorial service. And secondly, I will never forget Adam's younger brother, Brandon, wandering aimlessly out in the foyer of the Catholic church. As meager as I felt - and as his swim team coach - I went to him and just held him.

Brandon is now a teenager and is really doing well: honor roll, athelete. But to me, he will always be the baby brother of Adam Harris who gave his innocent life for our country. And Denise, while one of the strongest mamas I have ever known, will always be the epitome of what our freedom costs us.

I thank Denise, (retired) CMSgt Bush, Brandon and Adam himself. That day in September 2004, I realized what Memorial Day really means - no barbeques, no boat rides. The sacrifice required for our freedom is ultimate. And I am thankful to those like Adam - and my husband, Dan - who so selflessly serve every single day.

A Grateful - and Still - Heart

It is so hard to be still. And because it is hard to be still, it is hard to maintain a constant, grateful heart. But that is what is required of us: God wants us to be still. And he wants us to be thankful - in every circumstance.

In my "Jesus Calling" devotional this morning, that lesson hit home even more with me today. After this past week of having my sweet in-laws in from D.C. for Thanksgiving, I was worn out. I delighted in having them here but having any kind of company with two babies and two animals underfoot all day is exhausting! We made memories, ate great food - all family recipes! - and just had a great week.

This weekend though, I was left depleted with that sadness of a visit ending, and of cooking and cleaning all week. I found myself complaining inside about how tired I was, how weary and FAT I felt from eating all week. And what I discovered was that my griping spirit was not only making Jesus sad but it was making me even more tired.

So last night, Dan and I went to bed early and I focused on just resting. This morning, I took Noah to school, now have Ellyotte down for a nap and I am drinking coffee and just reflecting on the blessings in my life.

Last night as I unwound, I found myself singing the song "Give Thanks" that we used to sing in our youth group:

GIVE THANKS
WITH A GRATEFUL HEART
GIVE THANKS
TO THE HOLY ONE
GIVE THANKS
FOR HE'S GIVEN
JESUS CHRIST, HIS SON

AND NOW LET THE WEAK SAY
I AM STRONG
LET THE POOR SAY
I AM RICH
BECAUSE OF WHAT
THE LORD HAS DONE
FOR US
GIVE THANKS...

Everytime I started thinking something that was not in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just started singing those lyrics in my head. And then this morning, wouldn't you know I was led to meditate on being still? By being still, we exercise the spirit of thankfulness that we are called to have. It is so difficult to do but what reward comes with a grateful heart!

Just think about the things that we all have to be thankful for: the majority of us have our health, we have a roof over our heads, we have the arms of our families to embrace us at the end of each day, we have jobs, food to eat, friends to bring us joy. I know so many of my friends and loved ones who have lost someone this year - my friends Janelle and Calvin lost their 3 year old Bella (see previous posts) yet despite their loss, they are choosing to delight in the memories of their daughter and with the upcoming birth of their baby, Noah.

And my school friend Ashley and his wife Bethany welcomed twins: their 4th and 5th children, Abby and Bella, on October 30th. Life couldn't have gotten much more joyful for them. Yet, on November 5th, Bethany died suddenly of a coronary dissection brought on post-birth. So Ashley is left with 5 children and a broken heart. Yet, just last night, he sent out a video of his babies decorating the Christmas tree. For those 10 minutes, he chose to be THANKFUL and allow the joy of the season take over his home. Really, what do we all have to gripe about?

What it comes down to is that the love our Father has for us is so much greater than any complaint we might have in our daily lives.

Ephesians 3:18-19: "may (you) have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."


His love is all encompassing and what He requires of us is to BE STILL and to BE THANKFUL. To have that GRATEFUL HEART that we sang about in youth group.

Today I am challenging myself to stop complaining. And when a gripe enters my mind, I will replace it with a thanksgiving - big or small - so that my heart turns into an ever grateful heart. Today I choose to allow the Lord to delight in me as I delight in Him.

What a Week!

I must start by writing how sorry I am for asking and asking you all for prayers yet I have been so bad at keeping you all updated. We had one of the more challenging weeks imagineable last week. We had Dan's MRI last Monday. It revealed a massive tumor that the doctor said had to come out immediately. Yet the doc couldn't tell us what kind of tumor it was or if it was benign or malignent. That was a scary way to spend the week in uncertainty.

While I have been clear with you all that I was asking for the "rain" to come and while we really have been desiring and seeking God's total will for our lives, the "not-knowing" has been a very difficult thing to deal with. So many of you have asked how Dan's surgery will affect his deployment and the honest answer is "We do not know..." As of right now, Dan's still set to leave next weekend for training and that is what we are going with. Back to the surgery...

We finally got his surgery scheduled for this past Friday (2 days ago) here in Louisiana. Keep in mind, this is the day that his parents were arriving and the day before his 30th (early) birthday celebration. Both of those things on top of my new job starting this weekend with the beginning of Term II 2009 on Troy's eCampus! So, to say things were tough in our house this past weekend is a bit of an understatement. But we continue to take it all in stride because we have had no choice.

Dan's surgery was a bit more involved than we/the doctor expected. We dropped Noah off at our neighbor Joni's house at 5 a.m. At 7 a.m., she took her 2 year old Tyson and Noah to the other neighbor, Shannon, where Noah stayed for the rest of the day. PRAISE GOD FOR GOOD FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS! I was totally overwhelmed by the help they provided us.

So at 5 a.m. we were off to the hospital. We got there, got Dan into a room and spoke at length with the doctor. Initially, he was telling Dan that he was good to deploy as long as there was a surgeon at his next duty station equipped to tend to the foot. But, after what was supposed to be an hour surgery turned into an almost 3 hour surgery, the story changed. The doctor came right out to me and flashed a photo in my face (of the tumor), said that he didn't know what to call it but it was 7 cm long and had its own blood supply and had started to spread up his leg. His first words were "I will NOT release him into anyone else's care." What do we do with that? He's supposed to leave in a week! The Air Force is counting on him. But, the surgeon has the final say. So we wait.

Dan has spent the entire weekend with his foot in a boot, on crutches, serious pain meds and in his red recliner. The wonderful part of the weekend - aside from his folks' visit - is that his 3 roomates and best friends from college came in for a TOTAL SURPRISE! "Bansk" flew in from Mexico, and "Hammy" drove 18 hours, picked up "Tof" (who sang in our wedding - all three were groomsmen) in Kansas City and they showed up on our doorstep to an overwhelmed and ecstatic Dan! He has no clue. It was the best surprise I think he's ever received. And the incredible thing is that the three were only here for a total of 12 hours! It was such a testimony of their love for Dan. Thanks guys - we love you and are so thankful for your friendship. You will never know what it meant to us to have you here!

Dan's party was so awesome - we had 27 people come over for dinner and it was so much fun! Dan was really touched. And so many of you sent cards, memories, photos, gifts and Dan's still opening them. He is so overwhelmed by the amount of love and prayers that have been extended our way. We will not know for a few more days what the doctor's final word is on the deployment but he's still set to go. And we will still not know for a bit what the final tumor diagnosis is but we are confident that it is going to be a good report. I will obviously keep you posted.

Thanks again for your prayers and love - we are honored by your friendship and loyalty to us. Here are the photos from the weekend (including one of the 2 ft snake in our road in front of our house! Eww!