This Decade

I admit that I really dislike reading other blogs that go on and on and on... and on about how "blessed" the authors are. They aren't authentic. Speaking for only myself, I think blogs can not only be used to share your life stories and joy, but also your lessons learned and your pain. I tend to grow when I read that other peoples' lives aren't perfect either, and that there are challenges that I can read about and learn from. Again, that is just me. So, if I ever get too long winded about how "blessed" my life is, I do apologize. Because I am the first to be critical when others tell only the good and act like that is all that happens in their lives!

But this year, while challenging, has been a wonderful year. My family has remained healthy and happy, we had a great 3 years in Hawaii and had a smooth move to Louisiana, Dan dodged (slightly!) the 15 months abroad in Afghanistan - yes, because of a TUMOR, but still!, and we are excited to welcome our new addition in the year to come. God has been good to us.

Yet this Christmas season, my heart was incredibly burdened by the pain that others close to me were experiencing. The innocence that Christmas once held for me as a child is long gone and it is a battle to wrangle even a smidge of that innocent feeling each year as an adult. I so wish that that innocence was a guarantee to all of us for all of our lives.

2009 brought a lot of pain to many: this economy has caused monetarily stable families to go without and not be able to provide for their children this Christmas (we saw a lot of that here in Louisiana), my family has lost friends, namely our sweet friend/brother Chris Patterson just one month ago, the War on Terror hit way too close to home for my comfort causing me to be on my knees more than I have ever been before, and several of my friends have had horrible sorrows from family deaths to miscarriages. Yet, through it all, God remained present and His love remained unchanged for all of us.

I felt this year, more than others, that God cried with His children. I felt the sadness he experienced with each of us as we mourned - and continue to mourn - and He stands firm in His sorrow with us. However, the promise of HOPE continued to poke through the clouds this year. When I have felt so, so down and full of unspeakable sorrow, I have felt the HOPE that He wants us to know is ours if we allow ourselves to be available to it.

Decades in the 19-whatevers seemed to be really significant when they changed. This whole 2000 thing is just wierd to me! I didn't realize till yesterday that we are entering into a whole new decade (I know, obvious right?!). And I am not sad to say goodbye to this decade. I am not necessarily happy to enter into a new one, because it means that a) I am 30 and only getting older and b) that my sweet baby Noah is no longer a baby but entering the terrible-twos quickly. But the promise of a new decade is wonderful. Shoot, we aren't promised ANYTHING but the thought of entering a new decade is refreshing.

I started this decade a college sophomore who had just turned 21 with a lame boyfriend who wanted to do nothing but watch the ball drop - at 11:00 - in my parent's den in Troy. Even my parents were out that night. But towards the end of 2002, I met my soulmate and never looked back. Each year that I ring in with him brings a new level of intimacy and richness that I never thought one could find in a partner. To know that he's who I will be ringing in the new year with each year that we are allowed time on this earth together is awesome. I never have to wonder who my new year's kiss will be again! HA!

Katie leaves this first decade of the millenium no longer a Hawkins, no longer a single woman, no longer waiting to meet my firstborn. I leave this decade knowing (as I have for the past 17 years) that my heart belongs to my Savior, that I married God's PLAN A for my life and that he's the protector of my earthly heart. I leave this decade as a mom to my Noah Everard, as a new mom to our yet unborn baby and children to come, as a college professor, a little more out of shape than I want to be (but, hey, I am pregnant...!) and still childlike in my faith. My heart has been hardened in the past decade by heartbreak and stress, but my heart also continues to be healed by God's unwaivering love for me every day. I am never where I want to be in my walk with Christ, but I am so thankful that He's daily showing me where I can grow so I can move closer and closer to Him.

Praise God for new beginnings. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Christmas in the Bayou

We had so much fun with the Beall clan here from Virginia and Pennsylvania! We chose to spend our holiday here since Dan was supposed to be headed to Afghanistan by now and are glad we didn't change that when his deployment was changed.

We laughed so much with Brad (Poppy), Carol (Grammy), Todd (Dan's brother) and Annie (Todd's gorgeous wife). We ate tons, relaxed, played, spoiled Noah rotten and really had a great time. It was a Christmas to remember!

I missed my mom, dad and Kelly so much but we have promised next Christmas to be with them at the Waters - with an almost 3 year old Noah and a new baby! They might want to send us home early :)

No, No, Hitting, and Total Aversions

Wow, what a hard thing it is to do to be in the beginning stages of a pregnancy and dealing with a TODDLER! I had heard that the toddler years - or the "terrible twos" - were nothing to laugh at, but come on!!! And add to that the fact that I have felt like a donkey kicked me in the face due to a nasty sinus infection and you have one hot mess of a Katie.

I haven't heard the word 'No' so much in the past 10 years as I have in the past few weeks in my house. I ask him for a hug first thing in the morning, I get a "NO, mommy," Dan asks him if he wants to watch t.v. with him and he gets a loud "NO, daddy." We can't get it right!

And the hitting?! Where did Noah learn that?! He thinks NOTHING of pulling his little arm back and slamming it into our faces - yes, faces - when he's mad about something. I cannot agree with Dobson's theory more: I have a "strong willed child." And he's violently strong willed.

It is so tough to figure out how to discipline him appropriately. We hate reacting to his hitting by spanking him but that is honestly the ONLY thing (coupled with a straight up crib time out) that will work. When his daddy spanks him on his bottom, it hurts his feelings so bad that he just whimpers (heartbreaking). But what else can we do?! We tell him "no hitting," we put him in time out, we spank when necessary, we pray.... what did you all do when you went through this phase? This is NOT okay at all.

It has been especially hard for me to parent lately because after recovering from an upper respiratory infection, travelling to Alabama for 2 weekends in a row, only to then develop the worst possible sinus infection - all while dealing with a different pregnancy than the one I had with Noah. There have been days that I wake up only to count how many hours till Noah's naptime and then bedtime! I feel so bad about that because my little boy has been seeing me at my weakest. But, a sweet husband who has allowed me to sleep tons and antibiotics are getting me back on my feet ASAP and just in time for the Bealls to visit for Christmas. Whoo hoo!

This baby hasn't made me downright sick yet (although I have had a few "episodes") but 'he' has given me exhaustion and aversions that I never experienced with Noah. If I go too long without eating in the early - late afternoon, I can forget it: I never catch up with the nausea. So I am constantly forcing myself to eat. And textures and consistancies are giving me fits this time around. I usually eat salad constantly and I cannot bring myself to eat salads at all. In fact, most anything I try to eat makes me nausceous. It is so foreign to me to be turned off by foods, but it is happening every single day.

The things I can't get enough of are Perrier, pickles, peanut butter, fruit and occasionally Taco Bell. And I have to nap at least once a day... which is hard to do now that my little boy is sleeping 13 hours at night straight and only napping about an hour - hour and a half. But I cannot complain: he does sleep at night allowing me to go to bed way early!

Dan's about to take off for 2 months to some training. He will leave right after the New Year. And my Term 3 course with Troy University starts the first of the year too so that will be a great way - along with Noah - to stay busy once he's gone. I will miss him terribly but anything is better than 15 months to Afghanistan. Praise God!

We have so much to be thankful for this Christmas season. Thank you for allowing me the chance to 'vent' about disciplining Noah and being sick with Baby Beall #2. We are overjoyed at the blessings that 2009 brought us; God has given us so much to be abundantly thankful for and 2010 will bring another incredible blessing in our 2nd born.

When I think about the road we were facing with Dan going away for 15 months and how he had to have immediate surgery that thus kept him from deploying, I cannot believe the way that God stepped in and answered our prayers. To think that he could be fighting a war so far away - something he hasn't been trained to do - brings me such humility because he was spared. And to think of the heartbreak that so many of our loved ones have faced this past year, it brings me to my knees with a thankful heart. God is good, all the time. Even when we don't understand His ways, we have to know that He loves us and wants only the best for us.

FDA Recall

I am definitely not one of those who emails everyone a forward as soon as it comes to my inbox. Nor is my husband. But today, he emailed me a warning he received at work regarding Slim Fast being recalled.

I have several boxes lying around because I was still working at keeping off my weight that I lost after Noah was born (and then I go and get pregnant again... HA!). So we are either going to take them back to Target to get a refund or just throw them out. I wanted to share this warning with you all. Pass it along.

http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=437&z=43

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town!

We went back to Alabama this past weekend, except this time it was to celebrate Christmas a bit early with my family. And this time, Dan was able to come with us. It was still sobering to be back home when just a week earlier, Noah and I had to unexpectedly head home to say goodbye to Chris. But it was joyous, nonetheless.

We had a wonderful time with my family. We laughed, opened Noah's gifts, ate (well, everyone else did... I am struggling a bit with this baby!) and relaxed while the rain fell. On Saturday, my dad took me and Dan out to buy a new laptop which was my 30th birthday present from my folks. We met up with my mom and Noah at East Chase in Montgomery and Noah got to have his first visit with Santa!

Thankfully, there was no line whatsoever so we had the place to ourselves for a bit. I tried to sit Noah in Santa's lap and he wouldn't have it. So it took my parents, Dan, the photographer and the elves to get Noah to relax and actually smile! He waited till after about 12 shots were taken to smile.... but we finally got one with him smiling. I certainly didn't want to be in the photo but one of us had to while the other parent tried to get him to crack a smile for the shot. He was typical Noah: as soon as he got down from Santa's lap, he wanted back up and Santa was all he talked about for the rest of the day!

Dan and I finally had a date night... it seems like ages ago since we last went to the movies. But we went to see "The Blind Side" and loved. There is nothing as refreshing as seeing a movie that is uplifting and happy. We had a great time.

This weekend we have Dan's work Christmas party and it should be a lot of fun. Then a week from today, we have the rest of the Beall clan coming to Louisiana for Christmas! We are really looking forward to seeing them and being all together: Brad (Poppy), Carol (Grammy) and Uncle Todd and Aunt Annie will be with us for the week. We can't wait!

I am hanging in there with Baby Beall #2. It is hard to believe I am expecting.... again. But, we are rejoicing in each day of this pregnancy. I have an off-base OB that I will see in the next week or so and am looking forward to hearing the little guy's heartbeat and possibly having an ultrasound.

I felt absoutely fabulous till about a week ago. Then I got an upper respiratory infection that did me in and I am still recovering from that. Unfortunately, I think it has turned into a sinus infection that I hope clears up soon. Pregnancy wise, I am absolutely wiped out most days! I don't remember this exhaustion when I was carrying Noah.

And although I am not constantly nausceous, I do struggle with night time sickness. It hits me about 4 pm and if I don't stay diligent about eating frequently (which I don't want to do because my stomach hurts) then I lose control of the nausea and get pretty sick. So that is a cycle I am soon hoping will pass. I never got sick with Noah (until later in the pregnancy when indigestion became my enemy!) so this is a new thing.

The other thing that is much different about this pregnancy is that I am already starting to show! WOW, you really pop out earlier with Baby #2 than with Baby #1. I guess it is because your body already knows what to do?! It is wild to me. And I think it is another boy... I just KNEW Noah was going to be a boy; no doubt in my mind. That is how I am feeling about this one too. We shall see!

This Week in Photos