This Decade

I admit that I really dislike reading other blogs that go on and on and on... and on about how "blessed" the authors are. They aren't authentic. Speaking for only myself, I think blogs can not only be used to share your life stories and joy, but also your lessons learned and your pain. I tend to grow when I read that other peoples' lives aren't perfect either, and that there are challenges that I can read about and learn from. Again, that is just me. So, if I ever get too long winded about how "blessed" my life is, I do apologize. Because I am the first to be critical when others tell only the good and act like that is all that happens in their lives!

But this year, while challenging, has been a wonderful year. My family has remained healthy and happy, we had a great 3 years in Hawaii and had a smooth move to Louisiana, Dan dodged (slightly!) the 15 months abroad in Afghanistan - yes, because of a TUMOR, but still!, and we are excited to welcome our new addition in the year to come. God has been good to us.

Yet this Christmas season, my heart was incredibly burdened by the pain that others close to me were experiencing. The innocence that Christmas once held for me as a child is long gone and it is a battle to wrangle even a smidge of that innocent feeling each year as an adult. I so wish that that innocence was a guarantee to all of us for all of our lives.

2009 brought a lot of pain to many: this economy has caused monetarily stable families to go without and not be able to provide for their children this Christmas (we saw a lot of that here in Louisiana), my family has lost friends, namely our sweet friend/brother Chris Patterson just one month ago, the War on Terror hit way too close to home for my comfort causing me to be on my knees more than I have ever been before, and several of my friends have had horrible sorrows from family deaths to miscarriages. Yet, through it all, God remained present and His love remained unchanged for all of us.

I felt this year, more than others, that God cried with His children. I felt the sadness he experienced with each of us as we mourned - and continue to mourn - and He stands firm in His sorrow with us. However, the promise of HOPE continued to poke through the clouds this year. When I have felt so, so down and full of unspeakable sorrow, I have felt the HOPE that He wants us to know is ours if we allow ourselves to be available to it.

Decades in the 19-whatevers seemed to be really significant when they changed. This whole 2000 thing is just wierd to me! I didn't realize till yesterday that we are entering into a whole new decade (I know, obvious right?!). And I am not sad to say goodbye to this decade. I am not necessarily happy to enter into a new one, because it means that a) I am 30 and only getting older and b) that my sweet baby Noah is no longer a baby but entering the terrible-twos quickly. But the promise of a new decade is wonderful. Shoot, we aren't promised ANYTHING but the thought of entering a new decade is refreshing.

I started this decade a college sophomore who had just turned 21 with a lame boyfriend who wanted to do nothing but watch the ball drop - at 11:00 - in my parent's den in Troy. Even my parents were out that night. But towards the end of 2002, I met my soulmate and never looked back. Each year that I ring in with him brings a new level of intimacy and richness that I never thought one could find in a partner. To know that he's who I will be ringing in the new year with each year that we are allowed time on this earth together is awesome. I never have to wonder who my new year's kiss will be again! HA!

Katie leaves this first decade of the millenium no longer a Hawkins, no longer a single woman, no longer waiting to meet my firstborn. I leave this decade knowing (as I have for the past 17 years) that my heart belongs to my Savior, that I married God's PLAN A for my life and that he's the protector of my earthly heart. I leave this decade as a mom to my Noah Everard, as a new mom to our yet unborn baby and children to come, as a college professor, a little more out of shape than I want to be (but, hey, I am pregnant...!) and still childlike in my faith. My heart has been hardened in the past decade by heartbreak and stress, but my heart also continues to be healed by God's unwaivering love for me every day. I am never where I want to be in my walk with Christ, but I am so thankful that He's daily showing me where I can grow so I can move closer and closer to Him.

Praise God for new beginnings. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!