07.21.2010

In 5 days, our precious Ellyotte Pierce Beall will be 1. I am dumbfounded by the way the year has gone by and how it is a blur yet a lifetime. There is no way to imagine my life before my daughter entered it. Every smile, laugh, nose crunch, reach for me, whine, word spoken, dirty diaper, roll on the floor with her brother, everything my baby girl does melts me and molds me closer to her. She's my mini me and my fresh start. The innocence that surrounds both of those babies is surreal. I want to keep it that way forever.

The love I have for our first born, Noah, is so different from the love I have for my girl. I don't love him or her more or less; it is just DIFFERENT. Just today, I called Noah my baby. He said "I not a baby. I'm big." Yet he knew when I called him my baby what I meant. He knows he will always be my baby boy. He's my fiesty redhead - a reminder of my very Irish heritage and of my beloved Aunt Mamie who passed onto Heaven in November; he's the antagonist in my days, the one I go head-to-head with constantly; the one I "nap" in "mama's bed" with... even though I rarely sleep, I let him nuzzle in the crook of my arm and I just breathe him in. He still says "I wanna hold you mama." Gah, that melts me and no matter how frustrated I am by him, I let him "hold" me. But Ellyotte.... I look at that face and I am just amazed by how differently I love her.

When she was delivered via scheduled c-section on 21 July 2010 and entered this planet at 8:05 AM, I had no idea how my life would change. Obviously for the better, long term. But within six days - 144 hours - I was back in the hospital facing MY eternity and my babies and husband were facing their lives without me in them. I sat on the phone with one of my best friends on this earth, Amy Hall, all alone in a hospital bed in the heart unit of the same hospital where life had just begun for my daughter and sobbed to the depths of my soul. She just let me and prayed for me because I was at a loss for words.

As I've said in previous posts, all I could hear over and over in my brain were the words Sally Fields screamed in "Steel Magnolias" in the graveyard after her baby was buried: "(Her son) will never know how wonderful his mother was and how much she loved him." I had carried Elly since conception and not for one second - even when we craved sleep in the hospital post surgery and I asked the nurses to take her to the nursery and within 15 minutes, I couldn't stand her being 30 feet away and made them bring her back - had I been away from her.


Yet, I kissed her new head, nursed her and sent her home with the love of my life, the father of my babies, to be with MY mom - who had given me MY life and who was at MY house hysterically crying and praying over HER firstborn. My mom had lost her only brother to a pulmonary embolism following knee surgery so she was my angel in disguise. She found me gasping for air, she forced me to go to the hospital and despite her deepest anguish and fear, she kept my house running and took care of herself, my babies and my husband while I struggled.

That is how Ellyotte's first year on this earth started. The months following her birth, she went with us to internist, OB, hematologist appointments and never cried or protested. God gave us a baby that we needed for the challenges we faced. She's never been a challenge: unlike Noah, no colic, no sleepless nights, no prolonged crying. At one year, she sleeps 14 hours a night and still takes two long naps during the day. But when she misses a nap here and there, she never cries. Dan swears that when she cries, it is because we have done something wrong. And, that is usually the case.


Our Elly Belle is the sweetest, happiest baby we have ever been around. We've been told time and again we should never, ever even consider getting pregnant again (because of my uterine window condition and the clotting disorder I have), and given how good Ellyotte is and how wild Noah is, we might want to consider that advice: nothing gets better than Miss Ellyotte! She's the best baby ever and we would be pressing our luck if we pursued adding any more to our brood. For as good as she is, we'd be begging for one just as bad!

At ONE YEAR, Ellyotte is:
- 22 lbs, 11 ounces and 31" long. She is a LONG string bean!
- Wears size 2T in clothing - because of her length.
- Wears a size 4 shoes. Still a bit big on her but she no longer comfortably fits into a 3...
- Says many things: Cat- eeow (everything animal wise - even our fish - are cats!), bah (for bottle or food), night night (when she's tired at night), nap (yep, she tells me when it is time for nap), buhbuh (for Noah), dah-dah (daddy), maaaahhhhh-maaaahhhh (she's super dramatic when it comes to me!), jah-jah (for her Jan Jan - my mom), gahddy (for my dad, Graddy), dank-eeewwww (thank you).
- she's trying so hard to walk! Not too much longer. We think we inhibited her walking by putting her into her walker - which she's a speed demon in!
- Have I mentioned she's a mama's girl!? Yep, that she is.

We do have an appointment with a specialist on 4 August. It is the "final word" in our reproductive pursuits.... Dr. Groom will tell us once and for all if/when one or both of us should be sterilized. We know the challenges we face should we have more and we know that given how perfect our two existing babies are we shouldn't push our luck. But.... how do we KNOW that we aren't supposed to have more?? Yes. My uterus is a wreck and my blood condition is a mess. But do we trust the 15th "man" that tells us to never have any more children or do we trust God and not do anything to prevent a pregnancy? Is that irresponsible to disregard MY health for the life of another unborn child? Or do we trust the opinion of an extremely well respected high risk OB to be the final judgement call? Please pray for us and for our decision. We want to be responsible: I am a wife and a mother of two first and foremost. I realize what I am looking to risk to bring another life into the world but what am I supposed to do??? Sterilize myself or pursue our desire to add more to our family? Please pray....

Nonetheless, wish our baby girl - our MIRACLE baby, Ellyotte - a happy first birthday. For as many doctors that told me that I shouldn't still be alive, that same number have said that our daughter should have been the first casualty of the blood clot and the uterine window I suffered post-Noah c-section.

God bless this baby as she enters her 2nd year for she blesses so many others with her new and pure and sweet spirit.