Die Myself

Won't you take this cup from me?
because fear has stolen all my sleep.
If tomorrow means my death
pray you'll save their souls with it.
Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.
Let the words I say confess my love.
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.
Father let my heart be after you.
In this hour of doubt I see
who I am is not just me
so give me strength to die myself
so love can live to tell the tale.
~ Garden by NeedtoBreathe (2009)

Wow. WOW. When I hear this NeedtoBreathe song, I get chills. I love to listen to it while I am out running. We have that awesome privilege of asking God - the Father of the Universe - to let our hearts be after Him. We can do it just like Jesus did in the Garden. He begged His Father to spare Him and when he realized that wasn't going to happen, he begged to "die himself" and to have His prayers and words be used to save each of us.

What does it mean to "die myself?" I remember hearing that verse over and over again when I was at a Disciple Now retreat in the mid-1990s and I remember kind of rolling my eyes (that's a confession on my part). "Yeah, yeah... Let me 'die to myself' like the New Testament said..." Blah, blah -- the thoughts of a rebellious 13-year-old-psuedo-Christian. But here I am, 3 weeks short of 30 and I really get it. I do. How awesome to DIE to myself?! For Christ. For nothing else but the Savior I chose to serve.

Mark 8:34-37 "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

We are called to a much greater purpose. Much greater than staying in shape, eating the right foods, saying the right things, buying the right clothes. We are called to be like Him, to take up His Cross. But, why is that so hard? I find myself asking that question daily. I lose myself in trying to be what I think I should be, trying to be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter that I can be. However, all I am called to be is everything He has made me. That's it - that's all He wants of me! What an awesome task but it is sooo simple.

I pray that I can continue to listen to songs such as the NTBreathe song "Garden" and be inspired to pick up His Cross where he left it and let the voice I know I was given because of His death resonate across "the Nations."