Finding Joy in the Journey

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hawkins Girls in NYC

My mom, Kelly and I went to New York City for a fun girls weekend together. And what fun did we have!! Kelly's got a big birthday coming up in June so this was a celebration as well as some much needed time away for us all.

My mom landed us an incredible 3 room suite at the Waldorf Astoria! I hadn't ever stayed there before and after the 5 star treatment we received, I doubt any of us will want to stay anywhere else. It was incredible! INCREDIBLE.

On Thursday night, we went to the Brunello Vineyard wine tasting event/dinner at the Four Seasons restaurant. It was an experience. I think we had 7 courses all pared with delicious red wines from Italy.

Friday, we woke up late, ate breakfast, got dressed and headed out into the drizzly, cold May day to Ground Zero. Both Kelly and Mom had been there since 9/11 but I hadn't. It was sobering, to say the least. And the weather was fitting.

We spent the rest of Friday shopping and then went into Greenwich Village for dinner. Kelly's favorite restaurant in the City is Sushi Samba in the Village so that's where our reservations were. It was so yummy! After dinner, we walked around the village and had a few more drinks then headed back Uptown to the Waldorf.

Saturday was just as awesome. We ate breakfast, shopped, stood in line in Times Square waiting for matinee Broadway tickets. It was totally worth the wait: we saw the Tony Award Winner for Best Show in 2010 "Memphis." SO AWESOME!!!! WOW. I'd never been brought to tears before at a show but "Memphis" had me bawling - Kelly too. It was powerful and I highly recommend it should you find yourself in NYC anytime soon.

Following the show, we shopped some more, stopped by Rockefeller Center, and had a glass of wine. Then we got dressed and headed to dinner at Brasserie - delicious, yet again. For the most part it was just mom and me because Kelly had to meet up with some friends in the Village after dinner. But that was okay - we ate and went back to the hotel! Old ladies, we are... :)

It was such a memorable and fun weekend. I will treasure the memories and pictures always. Each year we try to do a girls trip (usually a ski trip) and this year's weekend did NOT disappoint!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Parallels.

284 days. That's how long it's been since my world could've and did change forever.

Right after the blood clot "threw" from my leg to my lung, my next door neighboor shared the story of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend with me. His wife suffered a pulmonary embolism 27 hours post c-section and he'd kept a blog about it since. However, in the haze of blood thinners and anxiety reducers and a brand new screaming baby, I didn't have the capacity or wherewithal to understand what she was telling me. My mission was to survive one hour to the next at that point.

Now, I get it.

That friend of a friend of a friend of a friend (etc) turned that blog into a book.

I was looking for a new book to read on my Nook when I stumbled upon one of the NY Bestsellers. It is called "2 Kisses for Maddy" by Matt Logelin. It didn't ring a bell but it should've. I'd read a review of it a few weeks ago but it was only with half of my attention. But two nights ago, I logged into Barnes and Noble and found "MY STORY."

I began reading it and couldn't put it down. Literally, it was like a car accident you watch - although you don't want to - and you can't turn away. It was our story, my story.

Dan and I began dating when Matt and Liz Logelin began dating; we dated for years upon years long distance; we got engaged at the same time; their wedding happened - lavishly - a month before ours did in 2005; they became pregnant at the same time we did and their first baby was born exactly one month after our Noah was born via c-section.

However... their story ended, while ours continued. She delivered their daughter named Madeline and just 27 hours post c-section, she got up to walk around the hospital room on the way to see her baby girl and literally uttered the same exact words I did when my mom found me struggling to breathe: "I'm light headed." Those were Liz Logelin's last words, but not mine.

My story continued and I went to the hospital to be diagnosed with a massive pulmonary embolism (blood clot in my lung), I walked in with my 6 day old daughter in my arms. She died before ever having held her Madeline in her arms.

To say that this book is rocking me to my core is an understatement. It is my story. Our story. But our's continued. Their's stopped. I told Dan about the book I was reading and he said "What I almost lost is not lost on me." Dan Beall was facing raising two babies alone and I never would've known the joy that Ellyotte Pierce brings to my life. When I say that I am transfixed on that baby girl, I am not exaggerating. She's my world - as is Noah. Not a moment goes by that I don't remember that they were almost without a mommy.

Just a week ago, I had a doctor tell me: "Young lady, you are a walking miracle. I don't have one patient I treated with a pulmonary embolism that survived." Huh?! He couldn't believe that I walked into the ER and was able to tell the personnel that I couldn't breathe... that I was light headed. I love being reminded that my life today, at age 30 (at the time of the PE), is a miracle. That Elly is a miracle; I have heard more than once that the clot should've passed thru her umbilical cord and she should be a stillborn. That I am here to raise a rowdy, accident prone 3 year old is a miracle. And that I am here to love my beloved husband into old age is nothing short of a miracle.

I am reading Matt Logelin's story and thinking of it being my Dan in his position. Laying on that stretcher after kissing my baby girl (6 days old...) and my husband goodbye as they wheeled me to do an immediate ultrasound on my legs to see if there were any additional clots via ultrasound, I thought over and over of that scene from "Steel Magnolias" when Sally Field screams "this baby will NEVER know how wonderful his mother is or how much she loved him." And I thought that Dan would remarry, if I didn't make it. It broke my heart thinking that my babies would never know me or the love I have for their father.

Thankfully, the PE didn't kill me. And I am here. 284 days later. Every moment with Elly is a blessing, every kiss I steal from my redhead is annointed, every secret moment Danny and I have together is sacred. I don't forget to tell my mom and dad how much I love them; my sister hears regularly that I adore her and I am proud of her.

Don't miss the chance to LOVE like you fully can - embrace each moment to love your family and friends like it is your last. Liz Logelin had to leave her legacy for Madeline to learn about through her daddy and her friends. Katie Beall lived - defied the odds - to love like I was born to love. I challenge you to do the same and not leave it to your loved ones to pass along your legacy. Pass along your legacy every moment you are blessed to be on this earth. That is my challenge to you.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Growing, Sweet Girl

Ellyotte Pierce is SUCH a sweet baby. Have I said that before?! Because she's the most adorable, sweet tempered, rested baby I've ever been around. And is she ever a flirt!! Her daddy walks into the door and she starts giggling as soon as she hears him. Then when he's coming towards her, she will hide her pretty face in my neck and act shy. It is so stinkin cute.

We just had her 9 month check up. She's a long string bean:
Weight: 20 lbs, 9 ounces putting her in the 70th percentile for weight(she was 7 lbs, 14 ounces at birth)
Length: 30 INCHES!!! Putting her in the 90th percentile for length

She's got the most gorgeous gray/blue/greenish eyes. I guess they are considered hazel but they are exquisite. And her hair was dark dark brown when she was born, lightened into a light brown color and now is turning platinum blonde in the summer months! Exactly what my sister, Kelly's hair did. And we all know she's gone back to being a true brunette in her older years.

Ellyotte says "dada," "mama", "hi!" (and waves), "nitenite," "byebye," and "baba" when she's hungry. She's a fast crawler. Although she does crawl traditional style, she's realized she's quicker on her tummy doing her Army low crawl. And when Gumbo the cat or Piper the dog enter the room, she sprints towards them. She's obsessed with those animals.

Her favorite foods are organic banana puffs, yogurt melts, YO Baby yogurts, cheese cubes, sweet potatoes, squash... she's a great eater.

Her favorite time of day is when she gets to swing outside next to her brother. She also adores bathtime with Noah every night. They have a ball splashing each other and "talking" to one another. It is exciting to watch and anticipate how close they will be the older they get.

Her schedule is very predictable:
She wakes about 7:30 am, eats breakfast, plays a minute then goes back to bed for an hour nap about 8:30 am. She will wake about 10:00 am, play, exercise with me and Noah in the jogging stroller, eat lunch and then she and Noah go down for their naps about 12:00. She's still a random late afternoon napper too but if that happens, it is only for about half an hour. She eats dinner at 5:00, waits for daddy to get home to see him, bathes and then is sound asleep by 6:30 pm at the latest! She will then sleep 13 hours straight till 7:30 the next morning! WHAT A BLESSING!

We fall more in love with her as the days pass. She's my little girl completely: she loves her mama. And on my hip doing whatever I am doing is what she prefers these days! She's still a paci girl - if that paci isn't in her mouth during naps or bedtime, she will scream and scream until she either locates it in her crib or you come put it back into her mouth.

Ellyotte Pierce Beall is more precious and we love her more than we ever imagined possible.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Beauty

Here are our Beall Family Portraits 2011.
One of my closest friends on this planet, Amy H. Hall, photographer from Grace Images took these when we stayed with her family in Nashville during our recent Easter visit.

She's one talented lady!

Mama's Day

This is a special Mother's Day for me personally: it is the 3rd year that I am a mom to Noah, the 1st year that I am a mom to Ellyotte and the 1st year that I can celebrate being a mama to my precious babies that I am alive to raise. This past year has been so scary for me at times - healthwise - that I am truly, truly thankful to be present on this earth with my children and my husband this mother's day.

Here is a special video that my family really appreciates this year more than ever before. In November, we lost my precious Aunt Mamie (the redhead in the video next to Mrs. Gloria Grant) and just last week, we all lost another lifelong friend, Mrs. Gloria Grant (Amy Grant's mother) in Nashville. Mamie and Gloria and Jeananne (the gorgeous blonde in the video) were inseparable so these past five months have been tough as we said goodbye to two of the threesome.

About 10 years ago, Oprah did a Mother's Day show and invited Amy's mom, Mrs. Gloria, to be on it. Mrs. Glo took her best friends, Mamie (my aunt) and Mrs. Jeananne to the show with her. They are sitting to Mrs. Glo's left.

As you will see in the video, they didn't know that Oprah had Amy and her sisters surprise Mrs. Gloria. She was truly surprised and the whole group had an incredibly memorable time together during the taping and after as they enjoyed Chicago. Aunt Mamie still drank out of her Oprah mug up until her death in November!

This video is priceless to me and to my family because it allows us to see our Mamie and Gloria the way they truly were on this earth: vibrant, happy, alive. I am so thankful that someone saved this clip and posted it onto youtube.

Kelly and I are blessed to have OUR mom love us the way she does. She's truly selfless and is daily pleading the Blood over her girls, husband, and now son-in-law and grandbabies. She's the glue that holds our family together - she always has been. There are no words to describe my gratitude and eternal love for my Mama, Janice Hawkins. She's God's greatest gift to the Hawkins/Beall family. I love you, Mom.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Easter, etc

What a month. Here are the bullet points:

- Dan got.... PROMOTED TO MAJOR (USAF)!! We are really excited and *interested* to see where God is pointing us towards next... More to come soon.
- Ellyotte hit 9 months. What a precious baby girl. Gah, she melts me. 4 teeth, crawling, sleeping 13 hours straight each night. What a sweet child.
- The kids and I (NO DAN) drove home to Alabama on, noneother, than the prelude to the most intense tornado storm in US history.

On 15 April, we set off for Alabama - despite protests from both of my folks. To sum it up: a normal 7.5 - 8 hour trip took almost 12 hours. We entered Clinton, MS 10 minutes after most of it had been wiped off the face of the earth by a tornado. I20 was shut down and we were detoured through that ravaged town for 2 hours. We then head on towards home (to see my folks). I witnessed firsthand the desparation and devestation in the peoples' faces as they realized they had lost EVERYTHING. Homes, businesses, power, lives.... were gone.

On the way between Jackson, MS and Meridian, MS, I hydroplaned 5 times and we stopped under 5 overpasses as tornados blew behind us and in front of us. The hail was so big that it woke Noah up from his brief nap and threw him into a fit of frightened tears.

We finally make it to Meridian. As we enter the town, I see a funnel cloud in the distance - so I tear into the Chic-Fil-A parking lot, whip Elly's seat out of the car, run towards the LOCKED doors and I hear "Oh my gosh, she's got babies. Let her in." I leave E with them and go back to get Noah. They escorted us into the KITCHEN to wait for the tornado to pass. At this point, I am a wreck and my mom (on the phone) is having a nervous breakdown in Costco back in Bama. My dad tells us to head on out while my mom is begging me to get a room in Meridian (NO CHANCE - a second front was on the way) - I check the doppler on my new iPhone 4 and it looked like we would come right behind the front that was leaving West Alabama and leave before the new front entered Meridian. I put the pedal to the metal and my poor kids were exhausted from driving.

We drove the next 150 miles in heavy rains and got to Demopolis and then Selma and then Montgomery just after tornados touched down in all places. My knuckles were so sore from gripping the steering wheel the next day... And I inhaled several huge glasses of wine that night after kids were put to bed. We had a lot to be thankful for.

- While in Bama, we got to see a lot of friends and took a lot of golf cart rides at my parent's gorgeous home. It was so much fun - there are few places more beautiful than the South in early Spring. The cranes were flying over the water, azaleas were blossoming, just gorgeous. Noah definitely loves getting to go "home" to the Waters - he gets to fish, play with Graddy, feed the horses, drive the golf cart. It is a little boy's paradise.

- We met up with Dan in Nashville, TN for Easter weekend. It was the first time any of us had been back to our second home since my sweet Aunt Mamie went to be with the Lord the night before Thanksgiving. It was bittersweet. We stayed with one of my dearest friends, Amy, and her family and had a blast. We celebrated the Resurrection at Grace Chapel in Franklin, TN - what an incredible service. We adore that church. And what an awesome thing to have JEREMY CAMP sing during the offering!!! Loved it.

After church, we met up at Leigh Ann and Mike's farm in Franklin and had so much fun eating, hunting eggs and enjoying God's gorgeous creation; TN farmland is so beautiful. And the 150 year old barn that is owned by Amy/Vince Gill and my cousins Mike and Leigh Ann is just incredible. It sits on the Natchez Trace and this family has made so many irreplaceable memories there. Weddings, Easters, barbeques, bonfires. Each time we gather there, the memories made only add to the rich history of that old barn.

*Note: the other cute little redhead guy that Noah's hunting eggs with is Olympic ice skater Scott Hamilton's son. I did a double take when I saw Max because he and Noah were so similar; I also did a double take when I realized "Oh, Mike and Leigh Ann's friend is Scott Hamilton... and he's at our Easter Sunday get together!"*

- Dan went onto Knoxville, TN to provide training for a Guard unit and the kids and I drove back to Alabama for a few days before driving the long haul back to Louisiana. We were supposed to leave for Louisiana on Wednesday, 27 April, but we all know what happened to my sweet home State of Alabama that night... This time around, my dad forbid me from driving. I am so glad he did.

We hunkered down in Montgomery, AL for the night and literally had no idea of what was heading our way. No clue. As of this afternoon (Friday), 230 people in Alabama alone have been confirmed killed by the tornados that ripped through Wednesday night. The damage is unimaginable. We have so many friends and friends of friends who lost everything - one girl in particular lost her entire home and every neighbor to her right and her left and across the street. There aren't enough body bags in many of the small towns to keep the victims until emergency relief can take the bodies. They are having to stack the dead in refrigerated trucks. One town lost their grocery store, fire and police stations and only gas station. They also lost over 30 people. Where do you even start to rebuild when you have literally lost everything? My heart is heavy for the loss of life and way of life that Alabama is experiencing right now.

- The kids and I drove back home yesterday - Thursday and are glad to be home. It is always nice to get back into your own bed and your own routine. I am wrapping up Term 4 with Troy University and have lots of papers to grade. Finals week is next week so the deadline lies before me. Feeling the pressure.

Here are some beautiful shots from the past month. I promise to be better about posting now that we are home!