Elly's Birth Story and Some Painful Realizations

I have been meaning to write about the events of Ellyotte's birth day but obviously have been a tad busy lately...! So, here it goes:

My mom and dad had been here for a few days before my scheduled c-section. We had a wonderful time of fellowship with them and our family of three before Ellyotte's arrival. The night before I went in for her birth, my sweet mom made a fabulous dinner (my request) of raspberry chicken and jasmine rice. I could've licked my plate! It would be the last meal I was allowed for at least the next 24-36 hours.

That night, I packed my bag, took a long shower and scrubbed with the hospital issued soap and iodine (in prep for surgery), did the doctor issued enema (UGH!), talked to my sister and then my sister in law for some final encouragement, and went to bed to try to sleep. The sleep portion didn't happen - fell asleep about 1:30 am and had to be up at 4 am!! My surgery prep was to begin after check in at 5:30 am on the 21st of July.

We got up, left Noah in the hands of my parents and headed to the hospital. I wasn't nervous but was so extremely tired. So tired - and maybe a bit stressed out - that I kept falling asleep while the anesthesiologist tried to talk to me and while the nurse tried to fill out paperwork. It was so bad that Dan had to keep waking me to finish answering necessary questions pre-surgery.

They started the IV and before I knew it, we were heading into the operating room. Once there, the nurses all were so funny and sweet and we joked as they prepped me. I was strapped to the table with my arms stretched out and laughing for a bit. But, then the anesthesiologist came back in to do the spinal block! NOT FUN. It stung but because it works immediately, you feel like you are drowning and can't move a muscle. Inevitably, you start to panic and that is coupled with an instant drop in blood pressure. I kept saying "I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna pass out." The doctor tilted the table and injected some meds in me to stabilize my blood pressure. That helped right away and I started to doze again.

Soon after, my wonderful doctor, Dr. Gina Gomez, came in and with Dan at my right side and sitting behind the "curtain" with me, she started making the incisions to get to Baby Ellyotte. I was calm and it was going smoothly - everyone was lauging and there was a joyous spirit in the air.

However, once Dr. Gomez got to my uterus, she freaked. She leaned over the curtain and said "You have a uterine window... your uterus is stretched so thin that I can see Ellyotte's face through it." WHAT?! How did that happen?? She went on to say "If you had gone into labor on your own, it would've been fatal to Ellyotte and maybe to you." That's a lot to take in while your bladder is laying on a table next to you and you are cut open wide waiting to meet your little girl.

Not 30 seconds later though, Ellyotte's sweet cries pierced the air and all was right. With a c-section, you don't usually get to hold or really see your baby for at least 30 - 45 minutes after she's born because you have to be sewn up while they clean the baby and take her to the nursery. I think she was almost an hour old before I actually met her.

When they wheeled me to recovery, my mom, dad, Dan and Noah were waiting on me. They'd been watching Ellyotte through the window of the nursery as she got her first bath and got ready to come see her mommy! My dad had gone down to buy a beautiful feather wreathe to put on my hospital door. He and Noah had had a wonderful morning at McDonald's eating breakfast before coming to the hospital to meet Ellyotte!

Before they brought her to me, I got to spend some sweet moments with Noah and hear his thoughts about Baby Sister. He was excited but was wearing thin - he needed a nap! But, he was excited about his new sibling and that warmed my heart.

Finally Dan brought Ellyotte to me and I was overjoyed to hold her in my arms. The thoughts of what the doctor had said about the condition of my uterus were far from me in the moments that I was first spending with my daughter. She looked just like Noah had (minus the red hair!) and she was perfect.

At my six week post-op appointment, my doctor told me again what she'd found when she delivered Ellyotte. I was one of the unlucky ones in that I would never have gone into labor and had her naturally. My body wasn't capable of that and had I gone into labor, it could've been fatal for us both because my uterus would have ruptured. That was a lot to take in. She told me that following my first c-section with Noah, I hadn't healed properly so most of the tissue on my uterus was either too thin or basically 'dead.' She sewed the healthy tissue she could and then sewed my bladder ONTO my uterus to strengthen it. That was crazy to hear....

Obviously, you all know that six days later, I had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in my lung) and was hospitalized again. The sad thing for us is that because of the condition of my uterus and the blood clot issue (possible life condition), I have been advised that more children is not a wise thing to pursue. IF we decide to think about more, we are now considered 'high risk' and I will be seen only by a specialist.

I have the paraguard IUD to prevent future pregnancies and that is our method of birth control because my body cannot handle hormones from birth control because of the clotting issue. That's not a comfortable BC method, by the way!

I don't know how to pray about our future; I have always wanted 3-4 children but it doesn't look like that will happen for us. If it does, it has to be planned and monitored and that still may not be enough to prevent some serious heartache. We (Dan, me, my mom, friends) question if the 'what if' factor is worth the risk that pregnancy could bring.

So, we have begun praying about adoption. I haven't ever had a heart for it but Dan has. And I just finished Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to SEE" and it only confirmed for me that adoption just might be something God is calling us to consider. Yes, Ellyotte's only 2 months old, but that hasn't stopped us from talking about the possibility of expanding our family in an untraditional way.

I have reached the semi-bitter stage of what my body's gone through. Pregnancy and childbirth shouldn't be so hard - and I am angry that my body has 'failed' me in the possibility that future pregnancies may be out of the question. But, God is God and His plan is far better than ANY I could fathom. So, if we can't have more of our own flesh and blood babies, then we will continue to pray that the road to adoption might make itself visible to us.

Ellyotte Pierce Beall is a miracle. My internist (blood clot doctor) said: "You should be thankful: that baby shouldn't be here given what you've gone through." WOW. I look at Elly in absolute wonder. She looks so much like I did as a child yet she is identical to her daddy. She's perfect and precious in every way and I adore her. And there isn't a moment that passes that we aren't overjoyed by the fact that we have two perfect babies in our home right now. Yes, we'd like to add more children to our brood but these two are so awesome and perfect that we thank God constantly for them.

Her birth story is one I will remember and cherish always. I chose to be present and conscious of every moment of her arrival. I am so thankful I did - there's nothing greater and more miraculous than the birth of a child.