A Baby's Grief

Noah has been going to mother's day out at the same school for 2 years now. He has his little circle of friends and they all love each other so very much.

He is now a member of the Tiger's class in his Pre 3K class and goes 5 days a week. There are only about 7-8 of them in his daily class. In that circle of little, long time friends is a girl named Bella.

Bella is the only child of her mommy and daddy. She is going to be a big sister in about 4 1/2 months. Bella loves Dora and loves to dance. A little over a week ago, Bella got a bug bite that got infected. It resulted in viral encephalitis and she got very, very sick. The doctors did 2 brain surgeries to relieve the swelling and a drain was put in. Just when they thought she was improving, she took a turn for the worst.

By Friday, there was no brain activity and by Saturday evening, the decision was made to take her off of life support. I had prepared Noah that Bella was most likely going to go on to heaven on Friday night so we talked about it. He was a bit familiar with death because my Aunt Mamie went on to be with the Lord last November and he was very close to her. So there has been a lot of open talk about heaven in our home. He was okay after our conversation on Friday night.

Dan is in the middle of an exercise so he's been working long hours and worked all weekend. So when I got the call that she'd passed away on Saturday, I shared it with him and then asked him how he felt. He said, "I'm happy for Bella. She's in Heaven now." and then he went back to playing ball. I was so heartbroken as a parent but happy that he was dealing so well.

All day Sunday, he talked about Bella but never showed any sadness. He even wanted to make her a card so he told me what to write then he colored it. He said "Maybe this will help her mommy and daddy not cry so much."

Even at school yesterday, he only sought to reassure his heartbroken teacher that Bella was in heaven and while we wouldn't see her soon, we would see her again. Ms. Hayley grabbed him tightly and tried not to cry. I was so proud of him.

But when he walked out of the building, he LOST it. He was hysterical. When we got home, I put Ellyotte down for a nap and then just scooped him up and rocked him. He wouldn't let me put him down for over an hour. It was clear that his grief - while delayed - was very real.

I didn't know what to do so while I held him, I called my mom and put her on speaker phone. She reassured Noah that it was okay to be sad and to cry and that Bella was not sick anymore and he would see his friend again. While she talked, I cried with my boy and just held him tightly.

It was a hard experience and while Noah's first experience with losing a close friend was way too young (he's 3.5) , it is not going to be the last time we experience death in our lives.

Please remember Bella's family. The Paquette's will need the prayers for strength and healing mercies as they journey through the rest of their lives without their firstborn.

Love on your babies a little harder today and praise God for the gift of the moment; we never know when we will enter our last here on earth.

Words from a Hero

The best way to share this is from an email I sent to several folks requesting the transcripts. I went back to Alabama this past weekend - 478 miles - with only Ellyotte in tow just three days after having returned from two weeks there. My best buddy since 1999 was asked to speak as the guest of honor at the 9/11 remembrance ceremony at Troy University. I went back to not only see him, introduce him to Ellyotte but to also introduce him to the hundreds of students and faculty sitting on the floor of an overflowing auditorium. He is a true hero in every sense of the word. Below is the email I sent followed by my introduction/speech and then his brief transcripts.

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All,
Jeff provided me with his bullets but I promise, 2/3s of what he said was in the moment. There were some swear words, some mentions of actual kills he's had, he said the one regret he has in life is that he hasn't killed more terrorists, he has killed just at 500 terrorists with his own hands, and he couldn't stress more that we need to be VIGILANT and teaching our children how to be vigilant. Dark days are ahead of us and he looked at everyone and said over and over "they hate you, they want each and every one of you dead. Don't forget that."
He warns that our schools are extremely vulnerable. Said the best thing we can do for our children is order and read "Terror at Beslan: A Russian Tragedy with Lessons for America's Schools" by John Giduck.

He carries a 9mm with him - even sleeps with it. He is an example of paranoia because of experience - we can never be too careful. He spoke of the 22 buddies he lost last month - his best bud was the one who's dog laid at the base of his casket. Jeff was a pallbearer at that funeral. I am sure you all have seen the picutre of Hawkeye, the dog.

I am including my intro to him so you know a little more about him. He's an amazing American, we have no idea how fortunate we are to live in a country where men like Jeff Nichols serve us so selflessly.
Please pass along to those you think would be interested.

__________________________________________________

Good evening. I am Katie Beall, oldest daughter of Chancellor and Mrs. Jack Hawkins. It is my honor to be able to introduce my best friend, Navy SEAL Jeff Nichols, to you all tonight.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” Those of us who witnessed the horrors of Sept 11, 2001 and then made the difficult choice to serve our nation can best identify with that statement.
The majority of you in the audience tonight were in grade school when the American way of life changed forever.  Tonight, you are being introduced to true, selfless American heroes. You are literally in the presence of greatness and of men who have sacrificed so much for your freedoms.
A native of Iowa, Jeff Nichols came to Troy University on a baseball scholarship. He graduated from Troy University in 2002 with a degree in exercise physiology.
 Jeff joined the Navy in October 2002 and was chosen to be a candidate for the Basic Underwater Demolition School. He completed  Basic Army Air-Born Parachute School and then was sent to SEAL Qualification Training in San Diego where following an intense 6 months, he earned the official title of SEAL in May 2004. Out of 164 SEAL candidates that started the training in Jeff’s class, only 22 completed.
In his 8 years of service, Jeff has completed 12 combat deployments to half a dozen countries. He was deployed 306/365 days in this past year alone. Jeff has been awarded multiple combat awards with valor. He is a SEAL sniper, a SEAL explosives breacher, is a static line and freefall parachute jumpmaster, a Naval master parachutist and he is a certified strength and conditioning specialist.
My friendship with Jeff began when we both transferred to Troy University in 1999. From Day 1 of meeting, Jeff told me that he was going to be a Navy SEAL. There was never any mystery to what he dreamed of becoming.
We immediately bonded over our love for our country and through our shared dreams of serving our great nation. We were kindred spirits from the beginning: we’d go to baseball parties and spend hours in a corner talking about and planning our military futures . I like to remind him that we were the “weird ones” but he thinks we were normal and everyone else was different!
I commissioned as an active duty Air Force intelligence officer through AFROTC here at Troy University in May 2002. Through our years at Troy, Jeff supported me 100% and encouraged me daily to push forward towards my dream of military service. It was during my vulnerable years at Troy University that he became a hero of mine.
Aside from my father, a Vietnam veteran, Marine Corps officer who was awarded 2 purple hearts and a bronze star, and my own husband, a highly decorated Air Force intelligence officer, Jeff is my hero. These three men are examples of true heroes and to be able to call Jeff my friend is an honor. He is loyal; a devoted father to his 4 year old son, Mason; a proud Trojan; and a one of the most amazing Americans I have ever known. Ladies and gentleman, let’s welcome Navy SEAL Jeff Nichols.
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Thank You’s Dr. Hawkins Mrs. Janice Hawkins Troy For Troops Committee All those involved in getting me back to Troy Schaughnessy Introduce Myself Name, 2002 Grad from Troy Navy SEAL w/ numerous combat deployments Numerous awards for Valor Most Importantly I am an AMERICAN and a Father of a 4 year old little angel. Troy for Troops message Before I Proceed I did not come here to recruit for the Navy Comments expressed are not Troy’s, US Gov, or the Navy’s Comments are mine and mine alone If anyone is offended come and see me afterwards and we can talk. Keep in mind if you have enough confidence to come and see me afterwards I have lost 29 of my friends in 4 yrs and 22 last month. We can all guess how that little talk will go. 1. It is often pointed out to me how different a life I live and have lived. Which is why relating you to all became the one question I had. I am not too far removed from you all are. My life was decided while I was here at Troy. I remember where and why I decided to Join the Navy and become a SEAL. WHEN, WHERE, WHY. I AM PRETTY HARD ON MYSELF. I NEEDED THIS CHALLENGE SO I COULD LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND ULTIMATLY LEAVE MY LEGACY TO MY FAMILY, GRANDSON….. I was also here at Troy on Sep. 11th. WHERE AND WHEN. Sept. 11th has lived with me every day since then, TRULY!!! 2. I have two Goals this evening. 1/make a point and not be all over, 2/ Not to package my opinions as fact, but give you a sense of how sep 11 changed lives. 3. I was given guidance in the form of topics to address (which I will) such as +personal experiences +career Experiences +broad effects of 911+why 911 matters. ****Bring light not Darkness***** All good things, but one overriding fact still remained with me through all my soul searching. We were attacked “WE WERE ATTACKED” NO AMOUNT of feel good stories will make up for the anger I have on that topic. Pres Bush Said “we will not make the distinction between those who carried out these terrorist acts and those that Harbor them”. He also said “I can hear you, the rest of the world can hear you, and soon those responsible for knocking down these towers will hear all of us soon” I HAVE LIVED BY THESE QUOTES I HAVE SPENT THE LAST 9 YEARS NOT MAKING THAT DISTINCTION. Because I know you are all thinking one of these questions? 2 most common – breath hold – killed someone – how does it make you feel. 911 is why I am here / why I am always gone/ why I fight / kill / and why my beliefs and values are continually being shaped, and reinforced. And it didn’t end for me when UBL was killed. In the past 9 years. Every time I have bled, every time I have pushed myself to my physical limits, every time I have been scared, and every time I have cried has been because of 911. 4.Broad Effects of 911 5. Perspective on Leadership and World Security. Janet Napalitano. Said “one of our greatest threats to homeland security is our returning vets” and yet we have more than 2 dozen know terrorist training camps inside our boarders right now. Most all of them formally established post 911. Perspective---Weak as it has ever been- we as a country have become so dependent on others (who are not experts) who present their opinions as fact. 911 taught us (or should have) that everyone need to take a proactive and not a reactive stance in protecting and caring for our freedoms so many have bled for. Troy for Troops/ Students/Parents Be Proactive and not reactive Learn to love our country, it’s never too late! Stand up for our Freedoms (not an excuse to be pathetic) Be a good role model for all children (example: national anthem) Conclusion 911 matters to so many. It is my generations Pearl Harbor. For those few who are still alive who lived through that, and the even fewer who were serving or there, my LOVE and ADMIRATION goes out to them. I know how they all felt. This time around my brothers and I were the ones who took up arms. HERE IS WHERE I HAVE A HARD TIME PACKAGING MY THOUGHTS INTO FACT….BECAUSE I JUST CANT. All of you will look back at this statement and remember it. Sep 11th 2001 was just the beginning for us and the world. A lot of eyes have been opened (on both sides) and so many eyes have turned away. Darker days are coming unless we find the love for our country we once had. They are already here, they are just waiting. Waiting for what….Waiting for us to be weak and divided. We are pretty divided right now. So next time someone asks you what your political affiliation is…..say it proud, look them into the eyes and say………… I AM AN AMERICAN.

More Summer Fun

The kids and I are in Alabama currently enjoying grandparents, pool time and fun friends. Dan is going to join us for the long weekend and I am so excited to get him here. Being at my parent's home is a vacation - it is a resort!

We had the Back to School bash here at the Waters in Pike Road, Alabama this past weekend and it was so much fun. The photo of Noah getting a pie in his face was too awesome to not capture. He wanted all day to throw a pie in someone's face so he got his plate loaded up and ran into the crowd with such enthusiasm. While he looked and looked for someone to 'pie,' a 10 year old came out of no where and slammed a pie into his pretty little face. I couldn't help it - I started clicking away as he screamed because I wanted him to have those shots one day (say, Senior yearbook or wedding slideshow!) He wasn't hurt physically but he was SO mad that he got hit - his feelings and pride were hurt. Pitiful, I know but oh so funny!

A Glimpse

Here is a look into our lives over the past two weeks:

I got almost a foot of my hair cut off! Too many of my friends and loved ones are losing/have lost their hair because of their fights against cancer - plus we are approaching 50 days straight of 100+ degree weather - that I decided it was time to go back to my really short style I had in college!

Noah has started Pre-3 K and goes 5 days a week. LOVING it. He has been in Mother's Day Out for 2 years now but that was only 2 days a week. And after this long hot summer in the Bayou, he and I both have cabin fever from not being able to go outside much. So this new schedule (9-12:15 M-F) is a welcomed change.

Ellyotte has gone from our sweet, passive, quiet baby to a LOUD, aggressive (in a good way!) and opinionated 1 year old. Not kidding - she and Noah will fight all day over a toy and if he has any kind of food in his hand that she wants, she will pull his hair and climb all over him till he caves and shares with her. It is funny to watch now... but it is a glimpse into the future of these two headstrong Beall babies!


(The Beall Band!)

How to Help

After having read my previous post several people have emailed me to ask how they can help the families of the victims of this past week's Chinook tragedy in Afghanistan.

I spoke with my buddy and he said that since so many men were killed at one time and that bodies are slowly making their ways home for funerals, specific efforts aren't completely underway just yet.

However, there are a few ways you can reach out in the meantime (I promise to let you all know when J. let's me know how we can specifically help), there are a few organizations that are accepting donations for those families left behind:

Naval Special Warfare Foundation/Navy SEAL Foundation
http://nswfoundation.org/

Wounded Warrior Project
https://support.woundedwarriorproject.org/Default.aspx?tsid=167&gclid=CPvUwcXfzKoCFUjt7QodTnDczg

And most important, you can continue to pray for the families and friends as they begin the lifelong journey of mourning their soldiers.

Here are some of the pictures of the fine young men that America lost last weekend. 2 of those men were natives of Shreveport, Louisiana - where we are stationed currently. It is a huge "hometown" loss for this patriotic area.

Weariness and Service

It is amazing what God will whisper to you. He gives me what I need when I need it.

This has been a heartbreaking week for our country. Obviously we have all heard what happened last Saturday when 30 of our troops were killed in a chopper crash in Afghanistan. 3/4 of those men were members of Navy SEAL Team 6.

One of my best friends is also a SEAL. Praise God he was home in the US when this happened (he was relieved from deployment in Afghanistan a few months ago when those killed replaced him and the others); but I am certain there have been many moments this week that he wished it was him and not his fallen brothers. What a burden to think "that could've been me..." when you know you were on countless choppers in countless firefights just like his best buds.

I have been so heavy hearted for those families who lost their men: fathers, husbands, sons, brothers and obviously, friends.

In addition to that, Dan and I learned that two of the pilots Dan used to work with (when he was the intelligence officer for a fighter squadron several years ago) were also killed when a gunman entered the Kabul, AFG airport and opened fire. 9 of our civilians and troops were killed when that happened. 2 of them were fine fighter pilots who were also husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, friends....

War is a terrible thing. It is awful to observe from afar and it is even more painful when there are faces to the names of the fallen.

I haven't been sleeping much and I am not sure why. My doctor gave me a prescription for a sleep aid but that thing makes me crazy! And I mean crazy: I will get up at night and not have any recollection of it. My only clues being that Dan will notice/see me get up and/or things are left out of place letting me know I was roaming. Scary, I know!

So I am trying to avoid taking it. But that means I will wake up in the wee hours and not be able to go back to sleep. Agh, I am tired! Noah doesn't start "school" till Monday so my days have been long with the two babies. Long, but extremely fulfilling. I love being able to stay home with them in these young years.

Last night was another long night for some reason. I woke up at 2 am and didn't go back to sleep at all. Then Noah woke up early to go to the bathroom and then Ellyotte woke up so we were all up way too early! By 8 am, I wanted to go back to bed. It felt like we had had a full day already.

I drank coffee, a Spark energy drink, ate breakfast, took my vitamins. But nothing was working at giving me the pep I needed just to make it to nap time. So, when all else fails: hit the WORD, right?!

I opened up my "Jesus Calling" devotional (awesome. by Sarah Young) and wouldn't you know that August 12th was from Romans 8:26:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

I didn't even ask Him in advance for food for my weak and weary spirit. Yet, He knew I needed it and gave it to me anyway. The devotion was perfect:

"Come to me when you are weak and weary, Rest snugly in My everlasting arms. ... your weakness draws Me closer to you."

That is so hard to do: draw close to God when you are weak/weary. Because it takes energy to draw close to Him. It takes an effort to go get my Bible and find some quiet moments to spend with just Him. As any mom knows, quiet moments don't exist unless you make time for them. I am so glad that I did this morning. Yes, I am still tired physically but my spirit is energized. Praise God for that!

Hearts will always be broken, our spirits will always be weak but how thankful I am to have a heavenly father who knows my heart and my weakness every minute of my day. I just got an email from a family friend who is deployed in Afghanistan currently. He sent it to his family following the horrible crash. His unit gathered in formation to honor the victims immediately after his commander learned of the accident. In the email, he shared that the co-pilot (CW4 Carter) of the chopper had a tattoo on his arm that said:

"When I get to Heaven, to St. Peter I will tell 'Here I am reporting, sir! I have spent my time in hell."

Don't we all feel like that sometimes? This earth is so temporary and all the trappings of it are so fleeting. I hope that CW4 Carter - and all of the other brave men - now is experiencing the joys of the heaven he longed to receive.

Noah notices the American flag wherever we go. I recite the Pledge of Allegiance to him daily so he will learn it like I learned it at a young age. Yesterday, as we walked into Wal Mart, he asked me why the flag was only "halfway up." I told him - as best as I could - that it was because our country was very sad. I told him that we lost a lot of good soldiers this week. He asked a few questions and then we moved on. When Dan got home, he said "Daddy, our Merican flag isn't all the way up. Merica is sad cause lots of soldiers died." It was a moving moment as I watched my toddler tell his daddy that while Dan was standing there in his uniform.

I am proud of my little family and of my husband who selflessly wears that uniform every day. And while Dan sometimes feels like he's not giving back eternally in the career field he is currently serving, I am proud that he raises his hand every day and says "Here I am Lord, send me" by way of serving his country. And I am honored to be able to raise our children with Dan as he teaches them the meaning of service by doing exactly what he's doing: serving.

So while I am weary, and while my heart is heavy, I am thankful for today. And thankful that God has given me and mine the gift of today because tomorrow is not promised. And because of that, I will find the energy to fully enjoy the moment. One day, we will all find ourselves heartbroken as our loved ones go on before us so today, let's love and be loved and serve and be served and give thanks and be thankful for today.

Happy Sunday

I couldn't resist sharing these pictures. They make me smile!

 Happy girl!

 My exercise buddies

 My mini-me

 I'm not too big for the baby swing...

 Daddy, Ellyotte and Noah building forts

Sunday afternoon nap

Thank You.

This is the letter I sent to my family and a few friends yesterday: the one year anniversary since my pulmonary embolism. The 'thank you' extends much further than those I emailed. I want to thank you all for your prayers and support that literally spared my life. Thank you all so much.

_______________________________________

Family,
One year and six days ago our family welcomed precious Ellyotte. To me, life couldn't get much better than it was holding her in my arms and being surrounded by all of you in the hospital room. But it could get much worse....

One year ago today, 27 July 2010, was the most frightening day of my life, thus far. And having to watch my mom go through it all again (since her brother died from the same thing I had: a pulmonary embolism) was agonizing.

This has been a long, but blessed year. The prayers that Mrs Lucy McKee (who has since gone to become a member of that glorious host of angels advocating and praying on our behalf from above) sent up on my behalf days before the clot even happened, and because she was listening to the Spirit, saved me.

And because my mom also listened to the urging of the Holy Spirit and walked into Noahs room and caught me trying to breathe and forced me to the ER, we were able to catch the PE in time.

The support and prayers lifted up on my behalf after it happened sustained me. I am so thankful to no longer be on blood thinners and able to exercise and travel and enjoy life to the fullest. And it is because of you - blood family and friends - that I am here.

I was at my lowest point ever in that hospital bed in the heart unit - having just spent 3 days in the labor and delivery unit celebrating our new life. Dan had to take new Ellyotte home and be with my mom and noah while I got injections and blood work done all night and several days following. One of my best friends, Amy Hall in Nashville, let me wail and sob and fall apart on the phone while she just listened and prayed for me. She will never know what her quiet strength did for my breaking spirit at that dark hour in my life. And having my dad and sister get right back into the car after having just returned to Alabama following Ellyottes birth, meant the world to me. Then my mother in law and sister in law, Annie, selflessly sacrificing their time and love to come take care of me and the babies while I healed was exactly what I needed.

Most of all, my husband and my mom's support - emotionally, spiritually and physically - through those days following the clot was what initially brought me through and allowed me to get on the road to recovery.
Thank you all for your love and support; you have no idea how much it means to me and Dan. He was facing being a widower and father of two babies - God clearly had a different plan than Satan and I praise him for that. He is worthy and greatly to be praised.

Love,

Katie

Ellyotte's FIRST Birthday Party!

If you judge by the pictures, this baby girl had a GREAT first birthday! We had about 30 friends over to celebrate her big day this past Saturday. She had cake, ice cream, and tons of fun. Ellyotte got lots of toys and clothes and books - and she was such a sport. She literally enjoyed every minute of the day! And Dan and I did too: we set up a "redneck water park" in the back yard where the bigger kids and men enjoyed the 105 degree heat (!!) and beer, and the ladies and babies stayed inside.

What a fun afternoon! My mom and sister were here and we just had a special, memorable time.

Ellyotte's Invitation

Here is the cute CUTE invitation we sent out to Ellyotte's friends and family. Her party was yesterday, July 23, 2011, and I am busy uploading the fun pictures from her big day. I will post soon!

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.