L-O-V-E

Being a mom is hard. It is harder than I ever could have imagined. You are no longer able to be selfish - those days are over the minute you conceive. But what I have found in my 1 year of being a mother to the most precious boy is that I no longer WANT to be selfish. Oh yes, I wake up many mornings longing for just another hour of sleep but the magnetism pulling me into Noah's room is so forceful, for I know waiting just beyond that door is the biggest smile and arms waiting to wrap themselves around my neck. Sleeping in? Who needs it when that is waiting for you in the crib in just the next room!

Each night when I am rocking my baby to sleep, I pray over him: I lay my hand on his head, his tummy, his back, his hands, his feet and I just plead the blood of Jesus all over his little body. I lift up his mind, his spirit, and his heart. I pray that God will continue to find me worthy of being the mother of Noah Beall for many, many happy and wonderful years to come and I praise Him for having entrusted Noah to me over this past year.

Most often, I am brought to tears as I pray and begin to fully comprehend the responsibility and authority that I have been given over his little life. Noah's hair ends up being stuck to his head because of the tears that I shed as I reflect on the love that I have for him compared to the unfathomable love that our God has for us. Being a parent has now given me a small glimpse into the absolute delight that the birth of Jesus provided Him, and a glimpse into the sheer agony that the persecution and crucifixition of His only Begotten Son had on the Father. Yet, His sacrifice was the ultimate act of love to a very unworthy mankind.

In Genesis 17 and 21, we learn that Abraham was 99 years old and had no children. Yet God appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless. And I will make my covenant between me and you, and will multiply you exceedingly.” When Abraham heard that, he fell on his face as God continued to say to him,“Behold, my covenant is with you, and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations... I will make nations of you, and kings shall come forth from you." HOW AWESOME to be found worthy of a) having God reveal His face to you and b) to be blessed that greatly at 99 because God found you blameless!

Abraham laughed when God told him that Sarah would conceive in her old age, but he trusted God. Out of that trust, blamelessness, and faithfulness came Abraham's beloved son, Isaac. He followed God's instruction and was willing to sacrifice his boy. Yet, because of his faithfulness and obedience, God told him, “because you have done this, and have not withheld your only son, I will indeed bless you, and I will multiply your descendants as the stars of heaven and as the sand which is on the seashore... And by your descendants shall all the nations of the earth bless themselves, because you have obeyed my voice.” Wow.

When I reflect on Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his beloved boy, I think about whether or not I would ever be able to be that obedient. My immediate gut-reaction is "absolutely not." Yet, that is what God did for us!

Every day I make a point to tell Noah that he is indeed the "love of my life." Of course, his daddy is also the "love of my life," but in a much different context. I heard once that the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. My husband adores me, and I him, and we make a point many times each day to kiss and hug in front of Noah so he sees how much love we share. But the love we share for one another is much different than the love we have for Noah.

Just today Noah and I were watching Sesame Street and one of the sketches had Elmo (Noah's favorite) asking his friend how could she love him when she loved her son so much. Elmo was afraid that she would run out of love and not have enough for him. She responded that one can never love too much or run out of love; there is always room for more love in our hearts and there are so many different types of love.

The love that I have for Noah in indescribeable. It pains my heart to the point that I think it will explode. So many mothers, including my own, warned me of the intensity of that love before I gave birth but NOTHING can prepare you for the magnitude of a Mother's Love till you experience it yourself.

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed." -- Proverbs 31:28