I know that parenting isn’t a competition… but dang it, if mom’s aren’t the most competitive group on this planet. When a woman is pregnant, the competition begins: how far along one is, how sick/not sick one is, how much weight one gains.
Then when the child is born, the competition continues: how much the child weighs, how much weight the mom is able to lose in a nanosecond, developmental milestones reached, how many teeth the child pops through and how early, the child’s sleeping habits and breastfeeding success…. It gives me a headache. And makes me sick to my stomach that women can be so catty about how perfect their babies are and how wonderful the experience of being pregnant was for them.
I unfortunately had a handful of those “friends” who were pregnant at the same time as me and gave birth a tad bit before Noah was born. Everything was perfection for those girls and I really beat myself up that my pregnancy was so much longer, frustrating and then my childbirth experience went NOTHING as planned. Yet those girls knew my struggle and were terrible about “checking” on me but only as an excuse to brag about their easy births and natural abilities to breastfeed and then onto how their child was hitting milestones well before the expected time.
Why are women like that? Why can we not just be happy for one another and celebrate another’s happiness even when the other is struggling? Why can’t we just support each other and only offer our stories up when ASKED?! I find myself daily comparing my weight loss and child’s development to another’s. I hate, HATE that about myself too and thankfully I have a wonderful husband who constantly reminds me that our parenting experiences and Noah are completely unique. But still…
Having suffered because of other girls’ need to brag has made me try to be more sensitive in ever offering up advice or my experiences unless asked. I think we should all try to be a bit more sensitive – especially when talking to new moms. We can all remember how trying and terrifying those first few months were as new mamas. And whether one admits it or not, we have all struggled at some point and resented the other moms who offered advice when it definitely wasn’t wanted!
Katie
2 comments:
Thank you! After all the conversations we have had I know you must feel better to let it out. It is true. So many people instead of asking for advice or trying to listen go ahead and rave about how much better they are or their kid is than yours. Can't we all just get along...or just survive together! Thanks for the midnight calls...we both needed them!
Katie, you are SO right!! I remember doing that 'comparing' thing when Logan was little and I just about drove myself nuts! You are a wonderful mother! Like we've talked about over one year ago, it's nice when a pregnancy goes great, but, there are always exceptions to the 'easiness' of delivery. Nothing went as planned and JUST LOOK at these healthy, strapping boys we both have!! Much love, Ashley
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