There are horrible, horrible things going on in the world - even in our own back yards. In fact, a girl I went to high school with (a football coach's daughter) was far along in her pregnancy and the victim of a shooting. She was sitting in the safety of someone's home when a stray bullet came through the window and killed her unborn baby. I heard she passed away yesterday from her wounds but haven't been able to confirm that yet.
And along the coasts of Louisiana, there are thousands suffering because they have lost their jobs due to the oil situation and our federal government is doing NOTHING despite our wonderful Governor Jindal's hourly pleas for help.
Despite what's going on in the world, I can't help but still get bogged down by the "hardships" I find myself facing lately. I won't go into all of the little details but things continue to be a struggle for me emotionally and now - obviously - physically. It is when the "chips are down" that you need your friends and it has been pretty barren around here lately.
One lesson I am trying to remember constantly is that you need to be willing to repay kindness when you've been shown kindness. I do my best to be sensitive to others and make phone calls or provide encouragement when needed. So, why do I feel that it isn't always repaid? I am not talking about anyone specifically or any certain situation, but lately my feelings have been wounded because I feel like I have given and given emotionally to others yet now I need encouragement and uplifting and it isn't available.
Again, this is just a venue for me to vent. Heck, I have to vent somewhere! So thank you for letting this be it. Please pray for me/us. Specifically that these next few weeks get a bit easier for me. I want to enjoy this pregnancy and it has been next to IMPOSSIBLE to do that in the past month or two. With Dan gone and Noah doing absolutely everything possible to challenge me, my body and spirit have been exhausted.
Just today, one of my close girlfriends and I took our kids to see "Toy Story 3" and after the movie, Noah ran into oncoming traffic despite my screaming for him to stop. A car was within 10 feet of hitting him.
I obviously had to chase after him (the temp was 102, by the way) and when I caught him, I had to spank him. But instead of crying over the spanking or how upset he made me, he cried for his friend Addison. I literally thought my water would break - it took a good 30-45 minutes for the contractions to subside after that. The rest of the day was shot... I had such a meltdown due to Noah's continued defiance that I even called Dan to beg him to come home just to help me get Noah to bed. He said 'No.' He couldn't. Man, did I feel alone at that point. I just wept and that caused Noah to cry and tell me he was "scary" (that means he was scared due to my crying). I felt so helpless and that is the last thing a parent wants to feel.
So please pray that I receive supernatural strength and patience in these next weeks ahead of us. We have a new human that is about to enter our lives and I am so far from ready emotionally for her that it frightens me. I want to focus on HER and all I can do is focus on Noah and his defiance.
Prayers are greatly needed - and encouragement.
3 comments:
katie, I am so sorry you are feeling so frustrated. I have to admit when we moved to ARkansas from Alabama, I was 6 months r=pregnant. For about a year or so I always felt like I was putting out kindness and never repayed. BUt It really takes a good 2 years for a place to feel like home. You just have to realize that everyone is not like you. I have to realize that many people aren't as outgoing as I am, but that doesn't men they aren't friendly and appreciate you as a friend. They just have different' ways of showing it! I think dealing with a 2 year old AND being pregnant is the hardest things. I remember being prego with Sufrey and felt like I couldn't do anything right for Nora. I couldn't keep it together in public and all this while I was making new friends. I felt like everyone was judging me, bu they weren't and things got TONS better!!
hang in there. I promise things will look up! I've learned a lot from child #2. Mainly, I have learned to pick my battles AND to not be so hard on myself! :) Good luck, you'll be in our prayers!
Katie, I hate that you are dealing with so many frustrations right now. I tell ya, those little ones just know when and where to push a mommy's buttons. As I drug my screaming almost 2 year old in from church tonight, I thought,"Maybe I'll just sit down and cry with him." I know I'm not near the end of this pregnancy, but I, too, have been extremely emotional. It can be such a helpless feeling. It sounds as if you are almost experiencing the perfect storm in a sense. My heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you.
I wish I had the perfect thing to say. All I know to tell you is to take it one day at a time. (I probably need to hear that as much as anyone.)
I don't guess we've ever even met, but I so appreciate your honesty. I, too, always feel slightly guilty when I view my own circumstances in light of other situations taking place around me. I really feel that it's completely fine to express your true feelings and ask for prayers and encouragement. I hope you wake up to a much better day tomorrow.
Lamentations 3:22-23
clearly, i haven't checked your blog in a while! katie, i'm so sorry you were feeling that way! please call me when that happens! rowen and i had a co-bawling session the other day when i was post call from 48 hours at the hospital and he was being a monster. he wouldn't stop screaming in time out so i just put him in my lap and we screamed together. girl, i'm with ya. please, please call me if this happens again or if you need anything! i'm praying for you! XOXO! Love you-mjs
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