Snow Baby

I have been meaning to post the cute pictures I took of Noah experiencing his first snow ever! He loved it - and ate handfuls of it. He's such a precious boy.

New Addition

We had our ultrasound today and I will start by saying that this baby is a very healthy one! We are joyous: the ultrasound revealed a normal brain, the heart functioning well, straight feet (much different from Noah's 20 week ultrasound, Praise God) and a beautiful skeleton.

We also learned that Baby Beall #2 is a GIRL! I thought for sure it was a boy but Dan's final call going in was that we were having a girl. We are indeed surprised but overjoyed at the same time.

Dan is in a definite state of shock; you should've seen his face when the doctor first told us. When we walked out, he told me how happy he was but that his next thoughts were of boyfriends and a wedding! I guess that is every father's first line of thought. And my sweet friend Janel told me to get ready for the drama! I know from experience (me and Kelly) that we were never short on drama in my house growing up. So now this Beall house is preparing for some of our own as we get ready for this sweet baby girl.

Now, the next big question is: "Will she have red hair?!"

How Can We See That Far...

Back in the early '90s, our family friend, Amy Grant (Gill) wrote a song with Tom Hemby called "How Can We See That Far." I remember listening to it then - not being more than 11 years old - and thinking "now THAT is how I want to feel about my husband."

These past few months have been tough for us. Granted, not as tough as if Dan were serving his 15 months in Afghanistan like he was slated to do, but tough nonetheless. We had just gotten settled into our new LA home when he received orders to deploy, he developed a tumor that required immediate surgery, I became pregnant with Baby #2 (yay!) in our preparation for his deployment, Christmas flew by, deployment was cancelled and then he was immediately sent off to training for 2 months with another TDY tacked onto the end of those 2 months. So, at this point, Dan won't be home till April. Whew. That made me tired recounting our past months!

But, here I am sitting at my computer in Louisiana - with my husband far away and our 2 year old safely tucked into his bed - grading papers while listening to that old song of Amy's and I cannot help but write out what I am feeling when I hear that song.

When I met Dan, I KNEW he was the "one." I knew it immediately and acted a bit crazy that first night! But God's plan for us was already set in motion, no matter how Dan felt about me right away.

I didn't know that when we started dating that we would be dating long distance for 3 years and that I would have to get out of the Air Force to be with him once we were married. I didn't know that we would move to Hawaii where we were hours behind the rest of the world and where it got kind of lonely for family at times. I didn't know that we would conceive Noah so early in our marriage - what a blessing! - and that I would be spending the majority of Noah's first year + alone at night with him while Dan was either TDY or working night shift for 18 months straight. There was a lot I didn't expect.

Yet, here we are going into our fifth year of marriage (and 8th year together) more deeply in love than ever. We are a military family that knows separation is inevitable; but that doesn't ever make it any easier. I long for Dan: for his hugs, for his smell, for the sound of his laughter as he plays with our little boy, for his voracious appetite as he inhales his dinner each night, I just long for my husband.

So... How can we see that far? We can't. When we pledge our lives to one another as husband and wife, we have no idea what God has in store for us. Ups, downs, happiness, broken hearts - it is unknown to us on that happy wedding day. But I can tell you there is absolutely no one else on this planet that I would rather love from afar as he provides for his family than my Dan. And when I look into the eyes of our redhead or when I feel the kicks and tumbles of our baby that I am carrying, I feel Dan's love as much as I would if he were standing right beside me. This is a hard time for us, but hard times are fleeting and to hold Dan Beall's hand as I walk through the rest of my life is a dream come true.

The words to this song are now "our story," the story I wanted to be mine two decades ago when I first heard it:

"We said our promises by candlelight
You held my hands, I was dressed in white
We were young
How can we see that far?

I knew I wanted you like no one else
I told my mama that I'd found myself
In your eyes
How can we see that far?

But like your daddy said
The same sun that melts the wax can harden clay
And the same rain that drowns the rat will grow the hay
And the mighty wind that knocks us down
If we lean into it
Will drive our fears away

And when I woke you in the dead of night
To hold my hands, push away the fright
Life had come - a son
How can we see that far?

Yeah we were nervous and a little scared
Until the music of our baby's cry
Filled the air
How can we see that far?

But like your daddy said
The same sun that melts the wax can harden clay
And the same rain that drowns the rat will grow the hay
And the mighty wind that knocks us down
If we lean into it
Will drive our fears away

Breckenridge 2010

We had SUCH an incredible time in Breckenridge, Colorado for our annual girls' ski trip. We hadn't been able to get to the slopes these past couple of years because I had Noah and we were so close to moving from Hawaii. But this year, we were ready to get back out West.

I didn't do a ton of skiing because the conditions were so cold and snowy the first 2 days. Plus, there were so many people on the slopes because of the long weekend. To me, there is nothing more scary than being passed on the slopes by inexperienced, high speeding skiers that have no technique. That is a recipe for disaster and when pregnant, I wasn't willing to chance it till the mountain cleared out a bit. By Tuesday and Wednesday, the crowd had thinned and I felt comfortable to ski with the gals.

We have been to Breckenridge several times and decided that it will remain our default ski location from now on. We love the town and the people and have our "favorite" spots picked out for post skiing fun so we decided to head back there as often as possible after this past trip. Enjoy the pictures!

Baby Bump

Here I am in my 18th week of pregnancy - showing much more than I did at 18 weeks with Noah, but thankfully feeling just as good!

This baby is growing and growing! And with every little kick and movement, my heart falls more in love with this new life. I started feeling "him" a lot earlier than I did Noah; I am supposing it is because I know now what a moving baby feels like. And "he's" active!

I am carrying really high - a lot higher than I did with Noah. Still avoiding maternity clothing at all costs. They are NOT comfortable to me! But overall, I feel exactly the same as when I was pregnant with Noah, thus, I again think that this baby may also be a boy.

Danny comes home briefly next week after 8 weeks of training and will be home long enough for us to have our ultrasound. It is scheduled for Monday, 1 March 2010 at 9:30 am! We can't wait. Seeing your little guy (or girl) for the first time on that blurry screen is indescribeable. I cannot wait to see that sweet face and watch "him" do all the moving and punching I regularly feel at this point. Plus, we can't wait to know for certain if Noah's having a brother or sister! It will be then that we will begin transitioning our 2 year old to his new room and his new big boy bed. That should be fun (sarcasm intended!).

We just returned from our FABULOUS week in Breckenridge, Colorado and I could NOT wait to be back with my redhead. My heart ached for 6 days solid. It was tough! But it was a wonderful trip. I have lots to say about that trip and lots of pictures to post. However, I have 50+ papers to grade right now so that will have to wait till sometime this weekend!

Haircut!

We first cut Noah's hair when we was about 5 months old. For those of you who have been following Noah throughout these past 2 years, you know he was born with a HEAD FULLLL of red hair that never fell out! It looked a bit "Conan O'Brien" for a while, yes, but for the most part, has been one of his insanely endearing features.
Every 2 weeks since 5 months old, I have had to trim the mop of redness. It grows so fast and so thick. So, one day a couple of weeks ago when I went to pick him up from Mother's Day Out, I got seriously embarrassed because he looked like he was wearing a football helmet - his hair was poofy and out of control! I took him right to the barber - much to Dan's chagrin; he wants the kid to have a mullett! - and got his first real haircut.

He was so good; a bit squirmy but didn't cry and soaked up the action. I was extremely proud of my man!

Noah's 2nd Birthday Party

We had SUCH a fun day yesterday. Noah had about 15 of his friends and their parents over for a Dinosaur Party. We had cake, ice cream, gifts, and an all around good time!

It is WILD to think that this time last year we were celebrating 1 in Hawaii away from our family. We had fabulous friends who were there to party with us, but it isn't the same without at least one set of grandparents around!

Noah is definitely enjoying the perks of being the first grandchild - thus, the favorite so far! He received some wonderful gifts and tons of attention. His favorite gifts of the day was his trumpet (from my sister, Kelly), the Sound of the South band helmet (sent by the Troy University band director, Ralph Ford), new cowboy boots from Jan-Jan and Graddy, and of course, his new swingset from Graddy and Jan-Jan. He had so many things to play with - in addition to the incredible gifts from his friends - that Dan and I are going to wait till his actual birthday (12 February) to give him the basketball goal he is getting from us. He's a bit spoiled right now!

Dan has been gone since the first of January and will not be home "for good" till the first of April. But, since he's in training in Texas right now, he was able to drive 7 hours EACH WAY to be home for just 36 hours. It was a short weekend and incredibly bitter sweet - Noah and I miss him more than words can express - but I was so thankful to have him here to celebrate our boy's birthday. He is such an amazing father and Noah loves that man. It breaks my heart to have him gone - Noah ran from room to room the majority of today looking for his daddy.... Oh well, thus the life we have chosen in the military.

I am really excited about my annual girls' ski trip coming up this next week. However, I have NEVER, not once, spent the night away from Noah. Dan's mom is flying down from snow covered D.C. to stay with Noah while I am in Breckenridge (not skiing... thanks 'doctor's orders'... I am "too pregnant") and I couldn't be more grateful. She's taking a whole week of personal leave from work to do this for us so I can get away and I am so ready for the rest and laughter awaiting me, my mom and Kelly in Colorado. I have so missed being able to do the annual ski trips we do these past couple of years since Noah arrived and since we lived in Hawaii.

Above are the pictures of Noah's party from yesterday. I have a lot on my mind and heart this week as my boy turns 2 and hope that I can find some time to sit down and "write it out" on this blog. I have my quad screen for Baby Beall #2 this Thursday and will then schedule our ultrasound to find out the sex. I will be about 21-22 weeks when we finally find out but that is because I want to wait till Dan can be home (between TDYs) for the appointment. So I am thinking it will be about 1 March. That's okay though: it will give the baby some extra time to be good and ready to be immodest!

And as far as this 2nd pregnancy goes, I am doing well. Out of the exhausted phase that followed me into the second trimester and am still thankful I was never sick with this one either. I am carrying much higher than I did with Noah; I was well into maternity clothes by this point last time. But so far - and probably because I am chasing a wild toddler - I haven't gained any weight (I weighed myself for the first time in 4 months this week!). I still vow to not be told my weight at the doctor's office but I wanted an inward gauge for myself - but definitely not so I could fret over the numbers. I refuse to do that!

Like I said, this is an emotional week for me with Noah turning two. One was not bad for me at all but this one is really a struggle. So, hopefully I will be back to the computer desk soon. See ya then!

Brushing and Growing

Obviously, Noah's not the only one who is growing these days! I am 15 weeks along in this pregnancy and my belly has popped out like it did when I was about 6 months along with Noah. This baby is in a hurry to make its presence known! Thankfully, I am carrying higher this time around so I haven't had to bust out the maternity clothes just yet. Ugh, and I am hoping I can hold off on maternity clothing for as LONG as is possible!

Noah's obsessed with brushing his teeth; which is okay by me. He will go and brush them several times a day! He's growing so fast and I am just amazed by this precious little boy. He has become even more attached to me now that his daddy is gone for a while but he looks forward to his nightly Skype sessions with Daddy on the "puter."
Here's my two boys - and Piper - doing "Man Things" and really enjoying each other's company. We miss Daddy!

Just an Update

God's doing a number in my life these days. He's trying and trying to show me ways that I can become more patient (which I am not sure I am succeeding at yet) and He's testing me almost every minute. This separation time from Dan has NOT been an easy go this time round, unfortunately.

Dan was supposed to be boarding a plane to Afghanistan till 2011 in the next couple weeks... Praise God that he's only in Texas. I am reminding myself of that constantly. But, it is still trying to find out that AFTER he's done with this ridiculous training at the end of February, he's set to go somewhere else immediately afterwards for yet another month. So, I think my frustration right now lies in Noah's absolute confusion about where his daddy is right now and having to get used to Dan being gone for an additional month. Again, I remind myself that he's safe and a phone call away. Praise God.

This pregnancy is flying by! I didn't think it would - the exhaustion has been much different this go of it. Last pregnancy, I exercised all through my first trimester (I'm now in the 2nd) but this time around, my exercise seems to be a) chasing Noah and b) the daily "wok" we take Piper on at the end of the day (NOT strenuous!). I just can't get it together to put on my running shoes and hit the pavement!

My second term teaching for Troy University is now in full-swing. This time, I have almost 3 dozen students in my class and we are in week 3 of 9 weeks. It is hard grading all of the writing assignments they are turning into me, but I have to remind myself that I was the one who assigned them!! I love being able to teach from home - or wherever I have my laptop. It is a liberating and challenging experience and this time, I have some really awesome students: many are parents, working full time, some serving in Afghanistan/Iraq while taking my course, one in Italy, another in Korea, and several have already retired and are finishing their degrees or are about to retire in the next few months. It is a a humbling experience to be teaching so many who are far more accomplished than I.

I am teaching in the Political Science department for TU and I am signed on to teach for as long as I want, as many terms as I want; it is incredible.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my fabulous doctor - she's awesome: a civilian at a civilian hospital (I am so thankful to be seen off-base; don't want to ever have another baby in a military facility). I am looking forward to hearing our little one's heartbeat again. This doctor is way cool in so many ways: she's young, she's hilarious and she is a WOMAN! Whoo Hoo!

They weighed me last appointment with Dan in the room and I laid down the line: I said "do NOT say what I weigh out loud, and don't tell me what I weigh." So they had me turn around and didn't mention my starting weight. I made the decision after last pregnancy and the struggle I had to lose all the almost 50 lbs that I would never again do that to myself.

So, my doctor promised to not tell me my starting weight or my ending weight in July. I just asked her that if I started gaining too much or too fast that she point it out. I can't tell you the freedom I am feeling from not knowing and knowing that I won't know. I was obsessed with weight last time and still gained a ton. So it will be nice to enjoy it this time around and not be obsessive. I will eventually lose it so there is no point worrying now!

We had an ultrasound at 9 weeks but I won't have another one till February. I am going to wait till Dan is home to find out the sex so even though I am only a few weeks away from being able to know, we want to find out together. So hopefully we will get an appointment for the last couple of days of February. That was the appointment when we got the news with Noah that he had clubbed feet, so we are praying against that in advance this time around. That appointment for Noah led us to many nights on our knees praying against his clubbed feet - and what a miracle we received - but we are praying against a deformity like that from the start this time around.

I am signing off now - Noah went to bed at 6 pm tonight after playing HARD all day today. I spent a lot of energy trying to wear him out to keep his mind off of his daddy being gone so we are both weary! Here are the pictures from our trip to Mobile where we watched Troy vs CMU in the 2010 GMAC Bowl. We had a great time.

The Hardest Job

Prior to becoming Noah's mom, when I thought of the hardest career fields, I thought of air traffic control or funeral home directors. Not parenting. Yet never in my entire life have I felt more helpless or out of control or unsure as I do each day that I try to parent.

Today has been difficult - actually the whole week has been challenging. Noah and I went home to Alabama to join my family in Mobile to support our TROY Trojans at the GMAC Bowl. As most of you know, my dad is chancellor of Troy University so anytime there is a big event - such as a bowl game - there will always be a week full of events prior that we have to go to.

Noah joined us in New Orleans last year for that bowl game, but he wasn't even a year yet. So he was a more flexible human then. But now that he's 2 in one month, he's not so easy. Fun, yes, easy, NO. He had a blast in Mobile: from the incredible hotel suite with a view of the boats in the harbor and trains coming and going, to the football game, parades, good food and many a marching band. That young man had the time of his life but sleeping in a strange bed in a strange and noisy place was next to non-existant for me and my kid.

And with Dan TDY for a long time, it is even more difficult because I am parenting alone. We had just come off of having the Bealls in Louisiana and Noah had been RUINED with all the attention he'd received over the Christmas break. Then we came straight to Alabama where he continues to relish being the absolute center of his grandparents' universe. Today he absolutely pulled my last chain.

I am already extremely worn thin by exhaustion from this second pregnancy. I am almost out of the first trimester - but am no less exhausted. And I am exhausted from Noah not napping much longer than a half hour, hour at the most and being 110% sun up till bedtime - DESPITE being soooo tired that he looks like he's been punched in the eyes from lack of napping. He's become so incredibly self centered and demanding that, while I always love him, I don't like him much. Couple that demanding attitude with pregnancy exhaustion and single parenting and you have a recipe for a miserable mom. Oh, how I miss my husband!

Back to today.... All day, he's hit me in the face, yelled "NO!" at the top of his voice, run away from me, and the list goes on. When he arched his back in his carseat and refused to be buckled in and smacked me for the second time, I lost it. So, he got a spanking on his thigh. Didn't work - nothing did because he was determined to have his tantrum (the first of so many today alone). I hate responding to his hitting with spanking, but he honestly doesn't respond to any other technique. And that breaks my heart. Dobson calls it a "strong willed child." And I have to agree: I have given birth to the strongest willed child this generation has ever known. Yet on the flipside, he's the sweetest.

Tonight, we went out to dinner and it turned into a dinner from hell. Noah jumped from his highchair, ran from me, wouldn't eat, threw his food, and just embarrassed the mess out of me and then proceeded to SCREAM the entire way home for candy (yet he didn't eat his dinner), so on the way home I had a mild to moderately severe breakdown. It was horrifying and I had reached my limit of being "horrified" by a 23 month old that Dan and I brought into this world. Thankfully, my mom and dad took over and put him to bed (which is still at 6:30, no matter what) allowing me to calm down. But it took a while because I felt like such a failure.

Where have we gone wrong? Why does my sweet child hit me? Yell at me? Run from me? One thing that calms him down is seeing me cry; he will stop misbehaving immediately and come up to me, grab my face with both hands and wipe my eyes and say "mommy, why crying? I yuv you, mommy." Most of the time, that makes everything better. But today, it just didn't help.

I guess I need to get back into the books, the basics: scripture (which I ALWAYS need more of), Dobson, and so many other parenting books I have yet to desire to crack open. For the longest time, I didn't think he was a strong willed child, but these last several weeks and his almost 2 attitude have forced me to change my mind.

I love Noah, I would give my life this moment for him. But to say that I always like my child would be a lie. I have never felt more helpless than I feel somedays when I am faced with a challenging child. Dan and I want to do the right thing in how we parent him but each child is so different that figuring out what is "right" can be daunting and scary. And I am exhausted. I am tired of asking others, reading, trying to rationalize with a toddler! Where's the magic potion to being a perfect parent that raises the perfect child?! I know it must be out there!

I pray that this second blessing from God is every bit as perfect, healthy, beautiful and sweet spirited as my Noah. But I also add to that prayer that he/she be less strong willed, more flexible, and all around easier. From colic for the first 4 months to hitting and yelling the past several weeks, Noah has given us a run for the money; he's not let up once since he took his first breath and I am just ready for a break! Oh, but how I do love that redhead.

Please don't be put-off by my complaining. It is the last thing that I want to do: complain about my healthy and precious child. I guess it is my small hope that there are other friends out there who struggle with the same thing each day and can offer some encouragement or advice. I would never want to hurt God by complaining about petty things that my child does to upset me; He has blessed me and my husband beyond measure. I guess I just didn't expect the challenges that CAME with those boundless blessings!